


Tremors

by druantialeaf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mutual Pining, Obsessive Kylo Ren, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:33:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21590029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/druantialeaf/pseuds/druantialeaf
Summary: Since Kylo Ren took over as Supreme Leader, he has pursued the Resistance relentlessly.  What will happen when the Resistance finally gives in and surrenders?  And the First Order takes the Resistance members onto their base? What will happen to the Force walls Rey has fought so hard to keep up?
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 60
Kudos: 210





	1. Chapter 1

Leia had been listening through the force, and she’d heard Kylo say that he would “destroy her”. Everyone knew who he meant.

When Leia told Rey this, it was a few days after she’d seen Kylo as she was climbing aboard the ship. It had just been an instant, a moment, but Kylo had look chastened, hurt, sad. Even though she’d known that he’d tried to kill Luke, she couldn’t help the pang she felt in her heart for him. Even still, she’d raised up a force barrier and cut off the connection. 

Since then, she’d felt him tugging at her. Tugging at the wall she’d enacted. It wasn’t all that sturdy of a wall, but apparently it was enough to keep him out. And yet, she could feel him, pounding softly against it, every few hours or so. And whenever she felt it, she would be plagued by the image of him, crouched down, holding Luke’s dice, looking up at her with so much sorrow and tentativeness.

She’d spent the past two night pacing in her room for an hour before going to bed. Going back and forth about whether to let Kylo in again. She knew he wanted her to. And the truth was, she missed him also. Yes, Kylo was a mass murderer. Yes, he had killed his own father and his uncle as well. Yes, he’d taken Snope’s death as the opportunity to become ruler of the First Order. 

And Rey knew all of this. And yet she couldn’t shake this idea, this feeling, that things weren’t finished between them. She couldn’t get the image of him, looking up at her, his eyes soft and remorseful, out of her brain. She felt plagued by him, like she had on the island. But this time it was worse, because they’d spoken, they’d connected- they’d touched hands. They’d fought side by side. He was no longer a faceless enemy. And despite it all, she felt connected to him.

She’d forced herself to go to bed each time, after hearing Kylo tentatively knocking on the connection. She knew it was probably a matter of inevitability, but she’d kept the connection closed, putting off seeing him again. Things felt so charged with Kylo, so potent. She wasn’t sure what to do, or how she could even feel any sympathy for him, after how he’d tried to kill Luke, and succeeded, ultimately, by tiring him out.

So Rey had spoken to no one about this, and had wrestled with the choice herself, alone in bed, tossing and turning. Wishing, in some ways, she could open it, and speak to him again. Wanting to comfort him, somehow, which she reminded herself was absurdly irrational and stupid, given the fact that he was a murderer. And yet, she still felt this… pull. To talk to him, to feel that force again. 

Being reunited with the other members of the Resistance had made her feel, in an odd way, even more alone. It was hard to remember that one day she’d idolized these people. She could remember sitting alone in her little AT-AT walker in Jakku, dreaming about the Resistance fighters, imagining herself fighting alongside them, imagining herself in a meeting with them, planning their next attack against the Order. 

And now, here she was, exactly where she’d dreamed. And yet… she felt so disconnected. And the only person she really felt connected to was… Kylo.

Her training with Luke, albeit relatively brief, had been isolating. She’d spent days all by herself, with hours to think, save when Luke would deign to teach her a handful of things. In those days, her only thing to do had been to learn the Force. To play with it, to use it, to master it. That and to talk to Kylo, when he would suddenly burst in.

She’d grown more than she could have imagined. Now the Force felt second nature, and she could feel herself growing stronger every day. She’d learned who she was, she’d learned a power that no other resistance member could begin to comprehend, save Leia. Being back with them, hearing them joke and talk about various weapons technologies, it seemed so- silly. Silly when she knew she could now pluck their blaster rays from the sky. Silly when she knew she could levitate all their guns at a moment’s notice, if need be. And that Kylo could, as well.

Now that she had discovered it, the Force was the only thing she wanted to talk about. And yet the only person who could really discuss it with her was Kylo. And she couldn’t talk to him.

She’d thought about talking about it to Leia, but Rey felt a strange distance from her. She didn’t want to feel estranged from Leia, and yet she did. She couldn’t stop thinking about that night, when Luke had attacked Kylo. And, even though she loved Leia, she couldn’t stop thinking about her sending her son away to get Jedi training. Or her flying around the galaxy when he was young.

Suddenly, the Resistance didn’t look like the perfect bastion of goodness that she’d pictured. She saw now that it had many more bumps and bruises and dark patches than she could have ever imagined. And even though she knew Kylo was evil in his own right, she couldn’t help but think of her own parents leaving her. And she couldnt help but feel a pang of resentment and anger towards Leia, for doing that towards her own son.

And now that Rey was reunited with everyone, she couldn’t help but notice that her best friend seemed to have paired off with another woman. And seemed to spend most of his free time excitedly chatting with her. Not that she was jealous- she was happy for Finn. But she couldn’t help but feel a pang of loneliness. And she couldn’t help but think of Kylo’s words, “You’re nobody. But not to me.”

She couldn’t help but want to talk to the person who had valued her since he’d met her, back before she’d ever been a force user. And the more the Resistance members stared at her and gawked at her, whispered to each other as she walked past, eyes wide with respect, the more she was reminded of how new this status was. How it was solely dependent on her force ability, not who she was. And it only made her crave more that deep unspoken connection, with someone else who understood.

And yet, she kept it quiet. She didn’t bring it up to anyone or try to broach the topic with Leia, who was the only one who could slightly understand any of it, and even still Rey was convinced she wouldn’t get it.

She kept quiet, and the next afternoon, she was desperately glad she had. Because that was when the Resistance finally got their reports in from their mole in the First Order. He hadn’t had time to send out his report, because, as chaotic as the Order was, they were monitoring everyone’s actions closely, and it took their mole several days before a moment of opportunity came up.

And Leia gathered around their inner circle to debrief them on exactly what he reported. And that was when she told them all about Kylo screaming at his men to shoot Rey out of the sky, directing them to try to kill her.

And then Leia had looked at Rey and told her about how she had listened in to Kylo with Luke via the Force. And how Kylo had told Luke that he would “destroy her”. 

This was all interspersed with other bits of information that both the mole and Leia had gleaned from the fight. And yet it was all Rey could truly hear. She nodded along impassively as she was told the news. And she kept the Force walls up around her, so that Leia couldn’t feel her hurt. But she lowered them briefly, for just a second, to dart in and see the truth of Leia’s accusations. And she could feel absolutely, resolutely- Leia was telling the truth. There was not even a hint of deception anywhere in Leia’s mind.

Rey sealed the connection back up immediately, hoping her quick foray had gone unnoticed. And Leia never gave any indication that she felt Rey’s brief sojourn into her mind.

And so Rey had sat impassively, nodding her head, hands folded across each other, for the rest of the meeting.

And they’d talked about the information the mole had given them, the details from the battle and plans the Order was making. And Rey had participated as much as she was able.

But it all seemed to go by in a blur, and soon she was walking back to her room. And then she reached her room, and she sat on her bed. And then she’d gotten up, and she’d walked over to her fresher, and she stared at herself, for several long moments in the mirror. And after several seconds, she’d cried. Her face screwing up into the kind of desperate expression she’d not worn since she was a child.

Rey had crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep. The worst part of it was constantly checking to make sure her Force walls were up. She was so emotionally overwrought, and keeping the walls up was the last thing she felt capable of. But now she was more determined to do it than ever. Several times that night, she’d felt Kylo pounding against her wall. But she kept the wall up, for good.

She’d drifted off into a deep sleep, and she’d felt like Kylo was chasing her even there. And she kept hearing “I will destroy her” ringing out. 

And in the dream she was running, running, darting through the snow covered trees again. But she managed to outpace him, even though Kylo kept calling her name. And even though she was convinced he was close.

She woke up around dawn, realizing she’d slept right through dinner. She was glad no one had bothered her, though it was a reminder of how much she was on her own.

She was exhausted, and felt like she’d actually run all night long. But she was also decided.

No more Kylo. No more letting him in, no more thinking of lowering the wall. No more reminiscing about their talks, or thinking of him as human.

The worst part, Rey thought, was realizing that Kylo had completely and deliberately lied to her, the whole time. She thought of his sad, sorrowful face at the end, holding the dice. How he’d looked up at her with puppy dog eyes, pleading and desperate. And this was mere moments after pledging to destroy her and trying to kill her.

Rey thought back to herself shooting herself across the galaxy towards him- willingly giving herself to him. She thought of how she’d helped him overthrow Snope- something he could never have done on her own. And as soon as she’d helped kill the last of the Pretorian guards, he’d seized the throne for himself.

Yes, Kylo had planned it all. He deserved the position of Supreme Leader, she thought bitterly. He’d certainly been sneaky enough about it all. She could see now that it had all been careful manipulation, a game of chess on his part. Each step had been calculated and ordered so that she would help him achieve his ends, so that she would use her power… for him. And she’d been fool enough to do it.

As she brushed her hair that morning, pinning it up into her buns, she saw herself with new eyes. She watched herself in the mirror. She’d seen herself do this so many times. Since she’d was 13 and found a mirror on an old ship she was scavenging. She’d stuck it in her AT-AT rather than selling it for rations, and she knew her reflection like the back of her hand.

She now she looked different. Felt different. She’d always thought of herself as shrewd, sharp. Those years of having to survive on her own in Jakku had made her a good judge of character, or so she thought. She didn’t consider herself gullible or easily deceived. 

And yet… none of that was true. She had to be the biggest idiot in the galaxy.

She thought about how just 24 hours earlier she’d been considering lowering her walls to talk to Kylo. She’d missed him. She’d blamed Leia, of all people. She wanted to talk to a mass murderer.

She felt the shame burn through her.

Never again. Never again. 

She tuned into the force, and focused on the wall and block she’d erected. She’d felt Kylo pounding on it several times last night, as she cried. But now it was silent. She focused on strengthening it, on thickening it. She tried to imprint it with permanence, so that she wouldn’t have to repeatedly keep it erected. And she would ask Leia for tips on how to fortify it further. 

She would not speak to Kylo. Not by choice, ever again.

She looked at herself in the mirror. And a wave of protectiveness washed over her. She would not put herself in harm’s way with Kylo again. She would not let her pathetic loneliness cause her to sacrifice herself.

She had been tricked once, but she wouldn’t be tricked again. And now she was going to fight like hell, to defeat him. 

Looking back at that moment now, it seemed almost comical. Her hands had been locked behind her back, in a sturdy pair of handcuffs. Though Rey knew that, if she wanted to, she could unlock them in seconds, with the Force. 

But she wouldn’t let the guards know that. No, she had to go along with it, to pretend to be the chastened prisoner. No, not prisoner- the chastened and changed Resistance fighter who was now willingly turning to the dark.

It was their only chance for survival, for all of them. They had to pretend to have changed their minds, to want to work for the dark side. It was the only chance the Resistance had at all.

As the Stormtroopers marched Rey, and Finn and Poe next to her, and a small group of their loyal followers who hadn’t yet defected, through their ship, Rey almost let out a bitter laugh at the memory of the pledge she had made back then.

When she’d learned of Kylo’s betrayal, she’d pledged to defeat him, to never give in. She’d pledged never to speak to him again, no matter what she did. She’d pledged to spend every waking moment to best him, the man who had lied to her and used her. 

And now here she was, willingly walking towards him, wearing handcuffs.

It was almost poetic, the extent of her failure. And yet, she sensed that, all along, she’d known this day was coming, that it would come. 

Several days after she finally made the decision to cut Kylo off completely, to strengthen the Force wall between them, she’d felt him banging against it more insistently. At first she could barely feel it, because she’d strengthened the wall so completely. She’d gone to Leia for advice, not going into detail, but explaining that Snope had instigated a Force bond and that sometimes she could still feel it, and she needed to know how to shore it up. Leia had helped her, giving her lots of advice, though she’d never experienced a Force bond of her own. And it had all worked. The wall was stronger than it ever had been, and at first Rey could feel nothing at all of Kylo.

She realized now that the wall she’d put up before had been more insulation than a full wall. It had been the kind of wall that cheap huts in Jakku were constructed off. What she had now was more like a First Order fortress wall- thick and unforgiving, made of stone and mostly impenetrable. Once it was up, Rey realized that she’d still felt inklings of Kylo through her earlier wall. Even when she was trying to block him out, she could still get light impressions of his moods and feelings. She could still feel when he was trying to reach her, still hear distant whispers.

And now… nothing. It was a relief. Suddenly, for the first time in months, she was fully free. She no longer felt herself getting sudden emotional bursts. She no longer felt her own mood overlain with something stronger, like a watercolor painting over her own mind.

No, she was Rey again. Rey of Jakku. Rey, who had always been alone and probably always would be.

And it felt good.

But that had only lasted for a few days, until she felt pounding on that wall. It was no longer a gauzy transference of emotion, a plaintive call through the force. This felt like someone was pounding as hard as they could against a stone wall.

And though she was relieved not to feel his emotions anymore, to be back to herself, the feel of the pounding scared her. It was a kind of booming sensation, a fierce and ominous vibration through the force. The sound of a battering ram trying to get through a heavy door.

Sometimes it sounded like Kylo wasn’t just pounding with his fists, but actually throwing his whole body against the wall she’d enacted. She could almost feel the vibration of the wall, as it shook just slightly with the force of the vibration.

And yet… her wall stood. And she didn’t get any more emotional transference from him. She was- well and truly- Rey again.

But her fear turned out to be well founded. Almost as soon as she felt the pounding in the force, the First Order substantially stepped up their offenses against the Resistance.

And since they were mostly what was left of the Resistance, that meant the Order was relentlessly pursuing their ship.

It seemed that there was no planet they could go to, no pace they could set, that would outmatch the constant pursuit of the Order. Whatever land they stopped on was visited by the Order within days, sometimes with horrible consequences. The Resistance had taken to stopping only to refuel, and only when they absolutely needed it. Other than that, they stayed in constant motion, because they had to stay moving in order to stay just ahead of the Order.

At a certain point, the energy inside the Resistance took on a kind of frantic desperation. At first people had been happy to outrun the Order, take on this new form of war games. But after weeks, and then months, went by, without the Order showing even a hint of tiredness, still going after them with a kind of deranged dedication, even the most loyal Resistance members began to get weary and scared.

One by one, people began defecting. Stopping off at refueling bases and never returning to the ship. Sending apologetic messages back to the ship once they’d departed. 

Their moles in the first order stopped responding to their information calls, as it became clear that capturing their resistance crew was the highest order.

And when that began to happen, the feelings of Kylo pounding against the wall in Rey’s head took on a new kind of terror. Now that she knew how much he desired to kill her, how he had tried to on Crait, and now was relentlessly determined to shoot down her ship, the fear seemed, at times, to overwhelm her.

And yet she forced herself to stay strong. To never mention this complication to the rest of the crew. To spend every day going over maps of the galaxy with Finn and Poe. 

Any ideas of their crew actually staging attacks against the Order seemed to evaporate overnight. Now it was just about survival. Just about staying one step ahead of the Order, in the vain hope that some day, one day, the Order would tire of it and let them go.

But that hope seemed more and more dim with the passing days. The dwindling fuel supplies… the increased damage and wear to parts of the ship, from traveling at such constant speeds.

Several weeks before, they had started having frank discussions about what they would do if- when- the First Order caught up to them. It no longer seemed like a vague possibility, but like an inevitability. 

It was Finn who had broached the topic, looking around nervously at the rest of them, as if they might bite his head off.

“What are we going to do if they… catch up to us?” He’d swallowed, his eyes darting around their group.

And it was like the air had been let out of the room. Or into it. Finally someone said it. The atmosphere became charged, a combination of relief that someone had finally voiced it and nervousness about what the answers would be.

Everyone kind of stared at each other in silence, trying to measure up what the others were thinking, too afraid to voice it themselves.

It was Poe who finally broke the silence. He nodded at Finn, “I’ve been thinking about that too.”

And that what the sentence that launched the discussion, with everyone going back and forth. The majority opinion was that they should be willing to surrender when the time came. The plan put forth was that they could pretend to go along with the First Order in order to save the last few members of the resistance. That the fire of the Resistance would never be stamped out entirely- they could save a few embers, and let them sizzle in silence, before the flame could be relit.

Rey wasn’t sure if that was the motivation for all of them. She could read the terror on their faces, feel the overwhelming fear in the force, whenever they would get word of the Order arriving at one of the towns they’d just deserted.

She suspected for many of them it was a matter of that most basic of human instincts- the desire for survival. The desperate fear one feels when they realize that this might be it, the end. And she could feel it, hovering like a virus over the Resistance.

Then there were many Resistance members who didn’t want to surrender at all. Who though it was important to keep fighting, to send a message that they were willing to die rather than give in to tyranny. Poe was among this group, as was Rey.

But in the discussions, it was clear that they were outranked. Many more members of the Resistance saw the value in pretending to surrender, all while keeping the Resistance, literally, alive.

And ultimately, those who wanted to live felt far more strongly about it than those who were willing to accept the cruel fate of death. Both Poe and Rey found themselves persuaded. The argument was a pragmatic one- do what it took to survive, to keep the cause alive. After all, who would fight for the Resistance if they were all dead? And what better way to fight for the Resistance than by decimating the Order from the inside?

The decision wasn’t made up by the end of the meeting, but after several more, they had come to the conclusion. They wouldn’t give themselves up easily, but if it came down to it, and the First Order was upon them, they would send out a surrender signal. And the signal would contain notice that they were willing to work for the First Order.

So it had been decided. And ever since then, Rey, if she were honest, had to admit that she’d noticed the workload and determination of the Resistance had gone down. Maybe it was that they had a back up plan, another option. But she didn’t see quite the same amount of scrambling around, frantic fear and desperation, when they’d get news of the First Order’s whereabouts.

People seemed more… complacent. And that worried Rey. Because she still felt Kylo hurling himself against her wall occasionally. And she’d pledged to never see him again. And though she would do what she had to do for the Resistance, she would never forget what Ben- Kylo- had tried to do to her. When she thought of the past tenderness and compassion she had felt towards him, she felt dead inside. He had killed that part of her, when he’d tried to kill her. When he’d lied to her and used her for his own ends. When he’d played her for the biggest fool in the galaxy.

And there was no part of her that ever wanted to see him again. So when they got a missive that the Order was headed in their direction, it was Rey who would step forward to scream directions, to pilot the ship, to fix any errant parts, to implore everyone to move “Faster, now!”

She had not forgotten, like everyone else seemed to, what Kylo had done. Or who he was.

A monster.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey kept her head facing forward as they were marched through the ship. They were surrounded by stormtroopers, who kept their blasters trained on their group of Resistance members.

Since they’d given themselves up peacefully, there were none of the usual remnants of a battle- no blaster marks on the walls or shattered doorways. Instead, an eerie sense of peace and inevitability seemed to hang over everything. It was surreal- to have stormtroopers marching next to them a couple of feet away, and no one fighting. No one sparring those they had sworn to kill on sight. 

Instead of fighting, they’d all sent out a surrender message as soon as it was clear that the Order ship was far too close to outrun. And their gas was far too low to try. 

So they’d sent out a missive to the massive Order ship, “We are willing to surrender and work with the Order. We wish to renounce the Resistance and join your cause”.

This was language they had labored over long and hard, debating the merits of various sentences. They wanted to seem sincere, not overly enthusiastic, and yet decidedly on the same team as the Order. They finally had settled on this turn of phrase several weeks back, and now it was time to use it.

After it was sent out, they’d all huddled around in a circle, and some Resistance members had started to pray to the Force. 

It was a frightening few minutes, where they’d all sat around uneasily, silently avoiding each others’ eyes, each of them wondering whether they would be imminently blasted into oblivion. Or if the Order would accept their surrender.

And if the Order accepted their surrender, what then? Would they be arrested? Tortured? Force interrogated into madness?

When they finally heard the first footfalls of Order members streaming in through their open gangplank, it felt oddly like relief. At least they weren’t going to be blasted from the sky.

The stormtroopers had streamed into their room, blasters trained on all of them, and shackled all of them into hand and ankle cuffs. Then they marched them through the ship and out into the First Order ship, which they had lined up and connected to the Resistance vessel. 

They were each brought to a kind of steel bench, which was built into the walls of the ship. There were only two benches, on either wall of the ship, facing each other. Every seat had handcuffs for both arms and feet, and the resistance member were locked into place.

The ship was quickly put into light speed, giving the familiar lurch that members of the resistance were well acquainted with. Rey felt her nervousness begin to truly take off, as the ship bounced into hyper speed. There was the possibility that all of them would die from this strategy.

And of course, no matter how it went, she’d have to face Kylo Ren. To deal with the man she’d been avoiding for the past several months. Her mortal enemy, her betrayer. She swallowed down a gulp of nervousness at the thought.

She wasn’t able to stay in her thoughts long though. After a few seconds, the lightspeed travel slowed, and the ship began flying at normal speed. Mere seconds after that, they entered the atmosphere of a new planet, and began descending towards a huge grey base, which Rey could only assume was the First Order headquarters. 

The ship finally came to a stop, and the gangplank began to lower. The stormtroopers came to each of them, detaching them from the wall. Then they were chained together using a set of ankle cuffs, and marched to the end of the ship, where the gangplank now angled to the ground.

Poe and Finn stood in front of her, but Rey could see out to the First Order base. It was a huge airfield, with plenty of room for this ship and many others. About 20 feet from the gangplank was a long line of stormtroopers, and at the end stood Kylo Ren.

He towered above the stormtroopers, his dark black a stark contrast to their white armor. And he was staring at the ship, his eyes searching, as if he were looking for someone.

Rey’s eyes narrowed involuntarily, as she stared out at him. She wasn’t sure if he’d seen her yet- he seemed to be scanning the ship, but she was behind both Finn and Poe and angled herself lower, so as to go unnoticed. She stared out at Kylo, the man who had caused her so much humiliation, who had tricked her so cruelly and deliberately. The man who had lied to her time and time again, and tried to use her for her powers. And she felt hate- yes, hate- rise inside her.

She quickly cast her eyes away from him, not wanting to be seen staring. And she forced her expression to become impassive, calm. She smoothed away the crease between her brows that occurred when she thought of him. She rearranged her face so that it was professional, impassive, cool. She wouldn’t let either Kylo know how he had affected her, or, God forbid, the rest of the resistance.

And now, quite possibly, they would find out. Although Rey was sure that, just as Kylo had never really cared for her, he wouldn’t put any extra focus or emphasis on her, and she would be able to blend in with the rest of them. Perhaps he wouldn’t even remember. Lord Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, she thought bitterly. Son of Han Solo and Princess Leia, nephew of Luke Skywalker. She could only imagine the kind of status he had within the order, how many women he had the attention of. That was why he’d been able to use her so effectively, so efficiently. “Accidentally” showing himself shirtless to her, trying to pretend he saw something in her besides her desert rat status.

Even the thought of it made the bitter taste rise up in her throat. Her eyes narrowed with the anger and shame that she had been consistently fighting back for the past several months. What a clown he had thought she was- and she’d proved him right.

Never again would she be deceived in such a way; never again would she fall for sweet words without action. For pretend feelings from a monster.

The doors at the end of the spaceship opened, rousing Rey from her reverie. 

Stormtroopers surged onto the ship, carrying their guns, approaching each of the Resistance members and unlocking their cuffs. 

They were lined into a group and their ankle cuffs were connected by chains, linking them all together. Then they were marched ff the ship and into the First Order base. Rey could see that it was night on this planet, and the sky was dark, dotted with stars.

They surely looked like a line of prisoners, like they belonged in a jail. And Rey supposed that was appropriate. This was their new jail, after all, at least until they could put their plan into action.

They were marched down the gangplank of the ship, and as Rey stood at the top of the steps, she looked down and saw a line of First Order members. There were two lines facing each other, each soldier dressed in the austere Order uniforms. At the end of the lines stood Kylo Ren, tall and imposing. Even from this distance she could see him towering over the other stormtroopers, his body broad and strong and intimidating.

It was shocking, seeing him in person, after so many months of actively avoiding thoughts of him, of pushing away memories of him, of hearing his banging against the wall like a constant drumbeat in her head.

And now here he was. And it was like seeing a ghost, a spectre. Someone she never thought she’d have to face ever again.

Rey saw Kylo’s eyes scanning the group, taking in their line of prisoners, and she averted her eyes before he could see her staring. She stared at the ground, determined to keep her eyes down and away from him. She had no intention of flattering his already immense ego by staring at him. That same instinct that had made him realize he could easily use her, flatter her, lie to her. That same haughtiness that he carried with him like a mantle, so deep a part of him that it would surely always exist even if he were demoted to a janitorial position. Rey held back a snort at the thought- the first laugh she’d had in about 24 hours, when they’d first begun to realize that the Order was much closer to them than they’d realized, and the desperate attempt to run had begun. It was the image of Kylo, so proud and haughty, mopping up a bathroom or sweeping a hallway. It was just so incongruous and absurd.

Kind of like the air of “desert rat” Rey knew she carried around with her. A “filthy scavenger” as Kylo had reminded her. “You, a scavenger”, she could still hear the way Kylo had said it, so shocked, so disbelieving that anyone could value her. She supposed that’s why she’d been so excited when he’d taken an interest in her. It seemed like the final validation, proof that she really wasn’t nobody, that she had worth. 

And it had been a lie. Rey felt the rage bubble up in her again, the rage she’d so effectively buried for the past several months. 

Their group shuffled along slowly, marching down the gangplank, surrounded by stormtroopers. A pathetic group of prisoners, criminals. That’s what they looked like. They reached the solid ground of the spacecraft hanger, where the two lines of stormtoopers awaited and watched them. Then they walked between the two groups, heading towards Kylo Ren.

Rey was locked into place behind Poe, and she was grateful for it. She stared directly at his back, occasionally looking out into the line of stormtroopers and glancing around the huge spacecraft hanger. She was trying to look appropriately distracted, genuinely interested in the surroundings, rather than that she was deliberately trying to avoid looking at Kylo.

As they marched towards Kylo Ren, she could feel the force beating stronger, and stronger. She could feel the wall getting weaker, as much as she fought to keep it up. With Kylo so close, his energy and presence had begun to seep through the wall, and it was like she could hear/feel/sense him through it. Kind of like when she’d spent time in especially cheap huts in Jakku, and you could hear your neighbors through the thin walls, hear every conversation. Except it wasn’t actual noise she was sensing, more like Kylo’s energy. And it seemed to pour through the wall and swim around her, and it took her every effort to keep her energy field separate and block out his attempts to gain full entry.

Rey continued to look around the airfield quizzically, as if she was fascinated by the spotless black walls and shiny fixtures. She kept her expression blank and curious. 

Finally, the resistance party began to slow, and Rey knew they must be close to Kylo. She stared down at her feet and tried to make her actions look natural, not like the body language of someone who was desperately trying to avoid looking at their mortal enemy.

Their group finally came to a full stop, and a silence hung in the air, as they waited to see what would happen next.. Rey continued to study the ground, as if she were fascinated by the smooth black tiles.

“Welcome,” Kylo said at last. It had only been several seconds, and yet it seemed like an eternity. Rey could feel the nervousness of her friends around her. They still didn’t know whether they would live or die. And they had only ever seen Kylo as a vicious killer- they didnt know him as she did.

And yet that’s how she should see him, she reminded herself. As the evil murderer he was.

She clung onto that thought.

The Resistance was silent, everyone unsure how to proceed. Were they prisoners? Were they guests? Was Kylo simply toying with them, welcoming them to their deaths? And if he was serious, how were they supposed to address someone they had all sworn to hate and were now supposed to pretend to support? 

Of course, it was Poe who finally broke the silence. Poe, the perennial diplomat. “Thank you,” he said. His voice rang out clear and strong in the vastness of the spaceship hanger. 

Rey continued to stare at the ground, hoping it would be believable that she would be so fascinated by the ground. Perhaps the First Order had a- God forbid!- bug or piece of dirt. Maybe the idea that she was staring at some kind of insect or imperfection would send the Order members into enough of a tizzy to let the Resistance run off. She held back a bitter laugh at the thought, feeling one corner of her mouth tick up involuntarily.

“Rey,” Kylo said. When she heard him say her name, it was as though ice water had been poured into her veins. It sounded, to her ears, like a curse. There was something about the way Kylo said it, almost like an incantation. He kind of held it in the air, suspended. Breathing it out, cautiously, curiously. It was almost- intimate. And yet contemptuous and formal at the same time.

And instantly Rey felt brought back to her pain, her anger, her frustration. And the ridiculous amount of presumptuousness Kylo had always displayed towards her, from the day they’d first met. Speaking to her in a way that suggested they’d had some kind of intmacy- which they had not, despite the closeness she might have felt towards him at one time. They’d never actually been intimate, in the way people meant when they said the word. They’d never kissed, never touched each other, certainly never slept together. And yet since the day she’d met him Kylo insisted on speaking to her in this way, as if he already knew her in that way. And thinking of how he’d used her, how he’d even tricked her into feeling that same intimacy, she felt a surge of white-hot rage that he would use this same tactic, even after all this time, so many months, so much deception, trying to kill her.

And yet, she couldn’t let that be seen. If anything, as Rey had decided as she’d worried over this exact scenario for the past month or so, the only way to fight back against that portrayal of intimacy was to treat Kylo impassively. As if he was a stranger she’d met maybe once or twice, who’d left no impression. As if nothing he did bothered her. As if she was perfectly calm when it came to him.

And so that’s what she would do. Because she would not allow him to create this deception of intimacy to the Resistance. None of them were aware of how he had tricked her, how he’d tried to use her. And they never would be. They would never know how stupid she had been. How vulnerable. 

Rey’s smile had quirked back down as soon as Kylo said her name. Her expression had gone from twisted amusement to startled shock. But she quickly recovered, smoothing her features into an expression of pure impassivity. She calmly moved her eyes to meet Kylo’s, bracing herself for seeing him, so close after so many months.

And what she saw certainly lived up to expectations. Somehow, seeing him, despite all the mental preparation, still sent a shockwave through her. She felt, in many ways, as though she’d been hit over the head with something. A little chill went through her. Kylo was dressed, as usual, all in black, towering over the stromtroopers and most of their party. His eyes were fixed on hers, searching, probing, almost desperate. Rey forced herself to meet them, and not turn away no matter how much she wanted to. That was the expression that had pulled her in, that had tricked her so horribly. That expression of pure need. 

Rey swallowed and reminded herself that it was all an act. Kylo had preyed upon her bleeding heart, her compassion- he’d pretended to be vulnerable and sad, when he was really the dangerous, heartless predator that everyone said he was. Rey was reminded of a tactic some of the worst members of Jakku would use when there was an especially wealthy trader coming to visit. They would sometimes leave a very young baby out in the desert heat, leaving the baby to cry until the merchant or his wife came to comfort the child. And then out would run the criminals, descending upon the merchant and robbing him blind.

And that was exactly what Kylo had done to her. Not every crying baby was truly a baby. Sometimes there was something far more powerful behind it. 

And she reminded herself of that, as she had for the past several months. 

She steeled herself against him, smoothing over her expression until she looked at him with blank eyes. 

“Kylo”, she said. She nodded, holding his eye contact for a couple of seconds, then glanced away.

Kylo had been staring at her, his mouth having dropped slightly open, his eyes sweeping over her expression, as if trying to read her, trying to analyze her, trying to get inside her head. And she wouldn’t let him.

She glanced back at the walls of the airplane hanger, hoping her impassive glance had looked natural enough. She had pledged to the Resistance that she would go along with their plan, that she would try to seem like she was amenable to joining the First Order. She’d been outvoted, when deciding whether to start this farce. But she’d pledged to help them, and she couldn’t ruin it by making her hatred for Kylo Ren obvious. No, her best bet was to fly under the radar, to come across as though he’d barely meant anything to her. She’d never told him her feelings, for example. Perhaps it would be plausible. Perhaps Kylo himself barely remembered their brief connection. A little more than a week of her life. Or of his life, a life of privilege and excitement and surely many First Order women throwing themselves at him.

It would be a blip on his radar screen, and Rey would make him believe it had been a blip on hers too. He would never know the anger she felt, the distrust, the true nature of her dislike for him.

So she stared blankly at her surroundings, pretending to study the massive black walls that gleamed from recent polishing. 

And then she felt it, the massive roar coming from the Force. It burned inside her head, felt like someone had screamed directly in her ear, a blinding, burning sensation, a sudden intrusion, an explosion inside her mind.

Though she’d been trying to look impassive, Rey couldn’t stop the wince her face made, a reaction to the cacophony of feelings that were going off inside her head. Her mouth stretched into a grimace, and she squeezed her eyes shut, as she reinforced the wall inside her head, shutting it back up, forcing it up, willing it to stand strong against the onslaught.

Within seconds, Rey remembered herself, remembered that she was facing Kylo Ren. And she was trying to convince him that, not only had she not remembered or focused on their time together, but that she wasn’t connected to him through the Force anymore. That she hadn’t felt him raging through it night after night for the past several months.

As painful as it was, she forced her face to return to an expression of calmness. She couldn’t help the slight twitch that remained at the corner of her eye, but she steeled her expression into a mask of impassivity. She moved her gaze to the back of Poe’s head, reaching for something solid that she could connect with. She even cast her energy out, latching onto Poe’s energy field, anything to protect her from Kylo’s onslaught. It wasn’t an intrusive force energy projection, she just quietly attached herself to him, kind of leeched from him. It wasn’t anything he would consciously feel. It was kind of like grabbing onto a friend when you started to fall down- just enough to catch your balance.

With Poe as an anchor, Rey was able to block Kylo out. She clasped onto his energy, and effectively blotted out Kylo. 

When her wall was finally stabilized, Kylo’s roar in her head quieted, to a kind of low clamor. She could still hear him, quite loudly, but it wasn’t the painful and overwhelming feeling from before.

Part of her wanted to look at him, to see his expression, to see how he would react. But she forced herself to look oblivious, to stare at the back of Poe’s head, as if nothing was amiss. She would not be baited into responding to Kylo, or letting him know how he affected her.

Silence hung in the spaceship hanger for several more seconds, despite the noise Rey felt through the force. Finally, Kylo spoke, breaking the tension that surrounded them.

“The stormtroopers will escort you to your quarters”, he said.

At the sound of this, stormtroopers stepped forward, ushering them past Kylo and into a corridor. Rey let out a breath of relief as they walked past Kylo, leaving him behind, finally.

Nothing bad had happened, to any of them. She hadn’t been punished or killed, and neither had anyone else. And she had successfully resisted his onslaught towards her.

And now that was over. They were going to “quarters”, which presumably meant they were being given comfortable places to stay. Rey could scarcely believe it. Everything was going according to plan, and the worst part was over.

But then they marched, and they reached the edges of the spaceship hanger, and Rey could still feel Kylo’s energy just as strongly as she had before. Maybe not quite as closely as she had when she was standing just a few feet from him, but certainly close. Much more closely than she would expect had Kylo remained standing where he was.

As they began walking down the winding, dark corridors of the First Order base, Rey realized that Kylo was indeed following them. The worst was not over.


	3. Chapter 3

The Resistance members were walked silently through the halls of the First Order base, surrounded by Stormtoopers who carried their blasters openly. Finally, after many twists and turns, the stormtroopers came to a stop. 

A stormtrooper bent down in front of Rose and, without saying anything, released her from her ankle shackles. Next he bent down in front of Liutenant Connix, followed by Ann, a resistance member they had picked up on a refueling mission. The three women were led to the side of a door, and ushered in. Rey couldn’t have seen inside without craning her neck and possibly looking at Kylo Ren, so she ignored her curiosity and remained staring forward. She desperately wanted to know what kind of conditions they would be living in, but it wouldn’t be worth making eye contact with Kylo, even if it was accidental. So she waited, staring at Poe’s back and counting the sounds of the footsteps as the small group made their way into the room.

The stormtroopers began to move again, and they marched maybe a hundred more feet, passing several doorways, before coming to another stop. This time, 3 male resistance members were unlatched, and led into another room. Once again, Rey forced herself to remain staring forward.

The next group to be released included Poe and Finn, and Rey allowed herself the briefest of eye contact with Poe as he turned to walk past her to go into the room. They both knew they couldn’t let on the closeness of their relationship. The less the First Order knew about the friendships and dynamics of the Resistance, the better. The more they knew, the more they could use those relationships against them, the more they could work to turn friends into enemies and vice versa. So they gave each other fleeting, professional eye contact, before Rey turned back to stare at the wall.

They made several more stops, and Rey began to worry as their already small numbers began to seriously dwindle. Another group of all females went into a room, and Rey was not among them.

Finally, the last group was released, and Rey was the only one left. She’d felt the cold dread run through her long before the final members of the Resistance left, but as she was marched through the corridors, it seemed to grow exponentially.

She’d gone into this determined to stay strong, promising herself that this time Kylo wouldn’t get to her. But, feeling his presence behind her, walking amongst Stormtoopers with their weapons at hand, she had to push back the panic. She could feel it rising in her throat, and she had to repeatedly swallow it back down. But she kept her face impassive and calm, putting on the expression she would use as a scavenger in Jakku when she’d have to go into trading negotiations. You couldn’t show fear there and she wouldn’t now.

They marched for a much longer distance, before finally coming to a stop. A stormtrooper bent down to release her ankle cuffs, now a lone pair not connected to anything else. Another stormtrooper opened the door to her room, and Rey quickly stepped forward, eager to get into the room and feel the door lock behind her. 

She stepped into the room and immediately turned around, as if to block out anyone else who would try to enter. Specifically Kylo Ren, the one she most wanted to avoid.

But Kylo had been close behind her, and he’d already begun stepping into the room. With his huge height and strength, there was no sense in trying to use her body to block his.

So there was no avoiding this.

Rey glanced up at Kylo and saw him watching her face, with that same expression of nervousness and watchfulness from before. She swallowed and looked away, staring at the opposite wall without actually seeing it.

She’d been so desperate to see what conditions she would be living in, and suddenly it was the last thing she cared about. She could just feel acutely the danger of being so close to Kylo Ren, someone, she reminded herself, was a monster. Someone who had actively tried to kill her. Someone who had used various tricks and words to lure her to him, to use her power, and then tried to “blast her out of the sky” afterward.

Rey heard the door close to the room, and she wasn’t sure whether Kylo or a stormtrooper had shut it. The only thing she seemed to be aware of was her heart pounding in her chest, and the rising tide of nervousness that threatened to overwhelm her.

“Rey,” Kylo said.

Rey knew she had to look at him now. She swallowed, one last moment to herself before finally facing her enemy.

Finally, she looked at him. And Rey was sure that, though she tried, she couldn’t keep the anger from her gaze.

She said nothing, simply staring at him, trying to look calm and relaxed.

Kylo stared back, his eyes dark, boring into hers, studying her, as they always had done.

Rey once again felt that strange feeling she always had when he was looking at her, the urge to run away, coupled with the urge to let his searching eyes really see her. To stare back.

And that was the same urge that had gotten her into this situation. And now she knew his evil pull for what it was- an attempt to fool her, to trick her. And she wouldn’t fall into it again.

“Kylo”, she said. She said it sharply, crisply. The way a schoolteacher would say the name of a misbehaving pupil. She moved her head upwards as she said it, a challenging gesture. It was difficult, trying to act tough to someone who was so much taller than her, who towered over her. Even the physical act of staring up at someone so much taller seemed a submissive gesture, and Rey did her best to make her upward glance at him come off as tough, strong. She was not a weak girl, no matter how much he tried to make her feel that way.

“I’ve- I’ve tried to talk to you through the force,” Kylo said. His eyes cast down to the floor, and he looked...almost- hurt. Rey reminded herself that this was one of the tricks in his toolbox, one he had used before. The crying babies in Jakku, Rey reminded herself.

Rey shrugged and tried to keep her expression blank. “I- I haven’t felt it”, she said.

Kylo looked disappointed. His eyes searched the ground, before casting up to hers, looking almost hopeful. “Perhaps you’ll feel it now, now that we’re closer.”  
Rey pursed her lips together and nodded. “Perhaps,” she said.

It was incredibly difficult, truth be told, to keep her walls up, and to feel him so close to her. She wasn’t sure how it worked, but she could feel his energy kind of floating around her now, and yet she could also feel her force wall still up. She wasn’t sure how the wall could be up, and she could still feel his energy. But that was the situation. And it was different from when Kylo had temporarily blasted through her wall earlier. Then the wall had been down, and she’d felt him so closely to her, with no barrier, in the force. Now, it was up, and yet his energy floated around her all the same. 

Rey was reminded of early mornings on the island of Ahch-To. A fog would roll in off the ocean and cover the mountains. Even though she slept in a stone hut, with the door firmly closed, she could feel the dampness of the air, feel the chill as everything around her dampened in the mist. The mist, somehow, seemed to pervade the walls, just as Kylo’s energy did to hers. She couldn’t hear or feel him directly- but there was some kind of fog of his energy, floating around her. 

She hated it.

“I, um- I wanted to see how you’d been,” he said. His words were halting, cautious, tentative.

Rey wasn’t sure how to answer. She sensed that if she said she had been unhappy, that this would give Kylo some kind of satisfaction. She didn’t want him to have it. And if she said she was happy, for some reason, she sensed he would react very badly.

It had to be something neutral.

“I’ve been fine,” she said. She kept her expression monotone, listless.

The goal was, to be boring, closed off, until Kylo lost interest. Until he truly believed that she no longer possessed any force skills, and he left her alone, to find a new target that he could play with, that he could use in his endless pursuit of power.

Kylo studied her, his eyes moving over her face. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck.

“Well you’re here now,” he said. He said it as a statement of fact, and Rey wondered if he was saying it to her, or himself.

Her mind flashed back to the discussions they had had on the Resistance space craft. As they discussed their possible capture, they’d discussed the possibility of Kylo Force interrogating them. Rey could fight him off, but of course the others couldn’t.

This was the thing that they all primarily feared- Kylo reaching into their minds, plucking out the duplicity, revealing their surrender as a farce.

The hope was that Supreme Leader Kylo wouldn’t waste his time questioning each of them, as he had more important things to do.

But they had also discussed arguments they could make, ways they could convince Kylo not to do it. Perhaps by convincing him, for example, that they all already were loyal, and there was no need for further questioning.

Clearly, Kylo was not so busy to focus his attentions on lowly Resistance members, as his eyes flickering over her face proved.

Rey hadn’t expected this, but she saw the opportunity, and she needed to seize it.

“Kylo.”

His eyes widened, riveting to hers, at the mention of his name. He looked eager, almost pure.

“Rey.”

“I wanted to ask you for a favor,” she said. For the first time, she fully focused on him, locking her eyes with his. He could put on an act of the sweet, innocent boy, the same act he had put on when she was on Ahch-To, but she could too. And she steeled her face into an expression of openness, of youth. She forced her eyes to widen, to look up to him, not defiantly, but sweetly. She looked at him as you would a friend.

His expression, on the other hand, flickered, for the first time since her capture, with caution. “What do you want?” he asked.

“I… well,” she now wished that she wasn’t so closed off to him at first. Surely he would notice her demeanor changing. That now that she wanted something, she was suddenly staring back at him, facing him entirely, her body now fully angled towards him. Not staring at the wall and speaking in one word sentences. 

She would have to be more careful about that in the future, more friendly to him. For now, she just hoped he wouldn’t notice.

She swallowed her nervousness, and faced her enemy.

“The members of the Resistance and I are fully committed now to achieving the goals of the First Order,” she said.

Kylo simply stared at her, his expression impassive. His eyes were riveted onto hers, which made it even more difficult to think of the right words to say.

“All of us can be trusted, but we think it would be very unfair and might ruin our trust and faith in the Order if we have to be Force interrogated,” she said. “We can assure you of our intentions, but a Force interrogation is a highly unpleasant ordeal. None of us want to go through that.”

She paused, looking back at him, waiting for some kind of facial reaction, bracing herself for his denial.

“Okay,” Kylo said.

Rey panicked, somehow assuming that he had denied her.

“Some would say it’s a form of torture. As you’re aware, the recipient of a Force Ordeal suffers a great deal...”

Suddenly Kylo’s words dawned on her- he had agreed. There was no need for her to keep going, and her mouth fell open in a kind of relieved smile.

Opposite her, Kylo’s eyes sparked with a kind of darkly mischievous look. Rey was reminded of his expression the first time they had met- in the interrogation chamber. And then it finally occurred to her- what he had said, what she had mentioned.

“You didn’t enjoy being interrogated by me?” His eyes glinted with a sparkle that Rey didn’t understand. His eyes swept over her form, down to her feet and back up again, and Rey didn’t like the feeling it gave her. She could feel him, once again, pressing against the Force wall in her head, his energy demanding, potent.

She looked away, staring down at the floor. It was all she wanted to do to tell him to kick rocks- but she couldn’t. Her fate, and more importantly, the fate of her friends, of Rose, of Finn, of Poe- depended on her pretending to be nice, pretending to like him, pretending to trust him. Pretending to be on his team.

So instead of Force throwing him into the opposing wall, she stared at the ground just past Kylo’s feet, forcing her expression into an impassive, blank one. Internally, she steeled her wall against him, strengthening it, feeling as she blocked him out entirely, even stronger than before.

“Thank you very much,” she said. She made her voice sound light, airy, positive. It was a good thing her had agreed to, after all. 

But she hated him for the games he played with her, games she didn’t even understand. Games a year of separation didn’t seemed to have stopped.

Rey realized that her deliberate ignoring of his question, and staring at the floor, was the opposite of the friendly vibe she was trying to create. She moved her eyes back to meet his, forcing her face into a small, tight smile.

“We’re all happy and excited to be here, and we intend to help the Order very much.”

She kept her eyes on his, meeting his stare despite how his gaze bored into hers. 

Once again, his eyes travelled over her face, searching. And Rey could feel him, again, pressing more fiercely against the wall in her mind.

After several beats, he simply nodded.

“Welcome to your home,” he said.

And then he turned on his heel, and walked to the door. And then Rey heard it shut and lock behind him.

And now here she was, alone. Trapped.

In her new “home”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of a slow start... but don't worry, eventually this fic will earn it's rating. Just having to establish some things first


	4. Chapter 4

That expression, that this was her “home” rattled around in Rey’s head. She didn’t like the phrasing, didn’t like it at all, and yet it seemed to seep into her bones. It seemed to stay with her, plodding around in her head over and over.

Home home home. “My new home.”

No, she told herself. This was not her home, not for long. It wasn’t her home and never would be, no matter what Kylo Ren said.

Speaking of her “home”, she looked around it. Kylo, predictably, hadn’t turned on any lights, so their whole interaction had taken place in the muted light that spilled out of the half open doorway. Most of it had fallen on her, anyway, casting Kylo half in darkness. She’d been able to make him out, but the colors weren’t especially vibrant.

She flicked on the lights and looked around.

It was large, comfortable, modern.

Nothing like the jail cell she’d been expecting.

She had a living area. It wasn’t huge, but it was elegant. The entire room was done in muted beige tones, almost everything the same color. A sleek sofa sat against one wall, matching the wall and coffee table. It looked like it was made out of leather, but it didn’t look like a typical leather couch. There were no bulging puffs where the stuffing was. No, it was smooth and elegant and uniform, the sides almost linear or square, arching up just slightly at one side and sloping back down. 

She wasn’t sure what material the coffee table was made of- it seemed to be covered in some kind of heavy shellac. It was shiny and very sleek, but clearly some kind of wood, as the light didn’t glint off the way it would with metal. It looked very modern and futuristic.

The only pops of color came in the form of a large, muted teal rug under the coffee table, and two matching end tables on either side of the sofa. To call them pops of color would be a stretch, as the teal was so light and muted that it almost blended in with the beige.

Facing the sofa was a large bookshelf, covered in various titles. It was wide, made of the same material as the coffee table. These were books she’d not heard of, not that she would know, having barely gotten a dribble of books in Jakku. She knew how to read, but she wasn’t very good at it. Rey hoped she wouldn’t be in the room often- books had no real interest for her, and she’d never been a great reader. She much preferred physical activities. 

Above the bookshelf was a kind of electronic clock. The clock seemed to be glowing out of the wall itself, in the same shade as the beige walls. Rey wasn’t sure how it had gotten there- it looked like some technological marvel of modernity that they didn’t have on any of the Resistance bases. But, still, she was glad to have it, as a marker of time. She hadn’t used many clocks on Jakku, the blinding sun a constant marker of the time of day, but she’d scavenged old watches a handful of times from various ships, and knew vaguely how to read them. 

The lights in the room were very muted, and it didn’t make the room particularly bright. There was no standout light, but instead a series of light strips around the room that gave it a look of steady illumination, just enough so that you could make out everything clearly, but not all that bright.

Fine with her. She’d loved the light on Jakku, but it was real, genuine sunlight. She had no windows in this room, and Rey reasoned that she wouldn’t want bright artificial lights anyway. 

On the other side, near the doorway, was a small table and chair, in the same material as the bookshelf and coffee table. Another blue rug next to it. And minimalist, modern paintings dotting the walls.

Rey wondered for a moment why they bothered putting paintings in the jail cells. From every impression she had of the Order, they valued austerity and sparseness- even though this room was modern and relatively spare, it was certainly much more than she would expect from any jail cell, let alone a First Order one.

But then again, maybe the Order didn’t consider them prisoners. Maybe they truly believed their missive saying that they had changed their minds. After all, Kylo had just agreed not to use Force interrogation on them.

Rey brightened at the thought of this, at the thought of the Resistance’s harebrained scheme working. At the thought of all them succeeding and burning the Order to the ground from the inside out.

There was another door next to the bookcase, and Rey pulled it open and stepped through.

It was a bedroom, done in dark, muted shades of crimson. Usually crimson was bright and vivid, but this shade looked like the saturation had been turned down almost completely. Still, Rey was a bit shocked. It seemed a bit out of character of the First Order, with their all-black, no-color, everything, to have a crimson room. And the sunny beigeness of the living room simply made the crimson seem that much more striking.

And still, Rey reasoned, the First Order used a lot of red. Maybe this was just a continuation of that.

A king sized bed took up almost all of the room. The comforter, sheets, and pillows were all that same muted crimson shade. The headboard and end tables at either side were done in another dark beige shade, made of the same glossy wood as the coffee table. 

Two light sconces in the same dark beige shade were above both the end tables, giving a small amount of light to the otherwise fairly dark room. A crimson colored chair, matching the bed and walls, was tucked into one corner of the room. 

An overhead light had turned on also, and Rey found she could adjust it and make it brighter or darker. Even the brightest shade wasn’t blindingly bright. But Rey found herself turning it down, enjoying the kind of muted, dark vibe the room had. Something about it seemed cozy, despite the sleek minimalism of it all.

There were doors on either side of the room, facing each other. Rey walked into the first one, and it was a large closet. Almost comically, very few items of clothing hung in it. They looked funny, hanging so alone in a large space, and Rey found herself questioning why they would give her such a huge closet, in a war base where space was probably at a premium. Perhaps it was a psychological tactic, she thought, amusing herself. Remind her of how little power she had.

That thought seemed to sour her amused mood and she stepped out of the closet, shutting it behind her.

She crossed to the opposite door and opened it. It was a large, very spacious fresher. Larger in size than the jail cell she had expected to be placed in. Probably the same size as her living room.

There was a very large, square shaped tub. Rey found herself marveling at the idea of soaking in so much water. In Jakku she’d had to barter and fight for drops of drinking water, and here was a tub that was maybe 6 feet across both ways. It was almost obscene.

The room was pure white and tiled, and the walls in here were probably the brightest in the entire apartment. The whiteness of the walls coupled with the bright lights were a bit shocking, after so many dark and muted colors. She found herself reaching for the light switch, seeing if she could adjust it the way she had the bedroom switch. And she could, and she lowered the volume on the switch so that the light wasn’t quite as harsh.

A large shower was in the other corner of the room. It was large and glass encased, and very modern and nice looking. Rey had never bathed in such a nice space, and she couldn’t imagine doing so on a daily basis. Showers on the Resistance ship had always had to be quick, under 4 minutes, and were done in a cramped, narrow stall in the ladies fresher.

There was a toilet on one wall, and a long set of cabinets with a sink in the middle. The sink and cabinets faced the shower and tub, and a long mirror stretched over the length of the cabinets.

Plush white bath mats stood next to the sink, shower, and bath.

Overall, the room felt peaceful, pure, and Rey found herself almost thrilled at the prospect of taking a long, hot bath in this room every day.

And then she scolded herself. Enjoying the spoils of the enemy. Enjoying herself inside the fortress built to house a murderous regime.

It was disgusting, frankly.

Rey went back to the couch to sit on it, waiting for something to happen. The room felt deathly quite, and a strange sense of panic washed over her. She had nothing to do. For the first time in her entire life, there was nothing to be done. And Rey didn’t like it.

She marched to the closet and looked through the few items of clothing. They were similar to what she wore in Jakku- robes she could wrap around herself and conform to her body. Except they were in black, of course, instead of white.

She found what was clearly intended as a sleeping garment- it was a long, gauzy white cotton thing. It looked insanely comfortable.

Rey went to the wall clock, to check the time. It read 5, and Rey wasn’t sure whether that meant morning or night. 

After much deliberation, she decided to take a shower. As much as she hated to use the facilities of the First Order, she was disgusting, caked in sweat from the past 24 hours of scrambling madly around the ship, trying to find a way to escape the Order. And the short, 4 minute showers that they were allowed on the Resistance ships hardly made her feel fully clean.

It had been a long time since she had TRULY felt washed free of grime and dirt.

After going back and forth, she decided to bring the white sleeping garment into the bathroom. If she was going to be stuck here, alone, she might as well be comfortable.

To be safe, she locked the bedroom door AND the bathroom door, testing both to make sure they worked. Then she stripped off her clothes, folding them into a small pile on the far side of the counter. Rey wasn’t one for neatness, and usually she wouldn’t take such care. But these were her last garments from her previous life, and she’d be damned before she lost them.

Then she stepped into the shower, letting out a little gasp of satisfaction as the hot water hit her legs and back. It felt like heaven.

Rey moved to stand under the full spray, feeling the pleasure wash over her as the hot water soothed all her overwrought muscles and limbs. It was heavenly, she had to admit.

She took her time washing herself, delighting in the smell of the soap and the shampoo. She’d not used shampoo her whole life, but she knew what it was. To finally get the luxury of using it was a small thrill, even though Rey hated to admit it. She put in conditioner and let it sit, as the bottle said, before rinsing it out.

When Rey stepped out of the shower, she felt like a new woman. A goddess, of sorts, she giggled to herself. She’d never felt so clean, so pure. She looked through the cabinets and read all the different labels.

She’d used moisturizer before, finding various bottles of the stuff in her scavenging trips. And she’d used them for several years, mostly saving them to use on her face. But now she saw separate bottles for facial moisturizer, for body moisturizer. Anti-aging creams, serums, perfumes.

It was crazy, and they all smelled very good.

Rey was enjoying the smell of a jasmine based perfume when she looked up and saw herself in the mirror. Naked, she stood clutching the glass and gold bottle, inhaling deeply. Her hair was wet and dark over her pale skin, dripping onto her shoulders.

Disgusting.

Immediately she placed the bottle back in it’s cabinet and stepped back. 

She wrung out her hair in a towel and walked over to the garment she’d brought from the closet. With the amount of disgust she felt for herself for enjoying the perfume, she questioned whether she should wear the clothes at all. After all, they came from the Order.

She walked over to her old clothes, bringing hem to her nose, to see if they were truly dirty. 

They reeked.

There was no way she wanted to wear them, after cleaning herself so thoroughly. She put them back down, folded onto the cabinet. 

She could wear nothing, she thought. Sleep in the nude. People did it all the time.

A tacit, demonstrable rejection of the First Order.

But Rey hated that idea. First, it was her first night in this strange place, she didn’t know who or when the doors would burst open and a stormtrooper would appear.

Or worse- Kylo Ren. 

That made the decision abundantly clear for her, and she shoved her arms into the gauzy cotton material.

It was insanely comfortable, just as she had thought it would be. It kind of drifted around her in a comforting way, just glancing at her skin.

She had to admit, she felt relaxed.

Rey looked at herself in the mirror. She looked clean, sparse and- like herself. Not like some monster, just because she was dressed in First Order garments.

After all, she was a prisoner, she reminded herself. She had no choice in this matter, so she might as well be clean and clothed in something comfortable.

To that end, Rey marched to the cabinet and pulled out the facial moisturizer. She wouldn’t use the other stuff, not the expensive perfumes or serums. But she could at least smear her face with a bit of facial moisturizer, enjoying the feeling as it soaked into her skin. She also rubbed some into her hands and lower arms and neck, wondering how much it cost.

Probably a lot of money. A lot of First Order money.

So, in a small way, she was helping the cause, by using these products when she wanted and running through the First Order money.

In a way. And yet she felt uncomfortable doing anything more, and she placed the moisturizer gingerly back into the cabinet.

These were incredible conditions for prisoners, Rey thought. She was sure that Poe and Finn would be having a field day, playing with the different scents and lotions- they probably didn’t know what any of them were, she thought. 

Rey had nothing else to do, so she walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch. She stared into space, feeling an anxious kind of boredom set in. There was nothing to do. For the first time ever, there was nothing to do.

As Rey began to ponder this, she heard a knock on the door. She walked over cautiously and opened it, seeing a droid balancing a plate of food on the top. 

She let out a sigh of relief. Though she had stretched out with the Force to try to check if it was Kylo Ren, she still wasn’t sure if it might be him. She had no idea what he had learned with the Force or if he would be good enough to learn some kind of cloaking technique, just as she’d learned to erect walls.

She took the tray off the droid and thanked him, before stepping back into her room and locking the door behind her.

It was a delicious looking meal, still steaming with a bit of heat. There was a delicious looking pile of sliced beef, covered in a brown sauce. The meat had been cooked to medium rare, and was pink in the middle, and looked like a very expensive cut indeed. On the side was a dish of creamed spinach, and a pile of asparagus with a yellow sauce drizzled over the top. There was a salad dish, a fairly large one, dotted with red and yellow peppers, with a small dish of a creamy dressing on the side.

And for dessert, a dish of some kind of chocolate pudding, topped with perfect looking, deep red rasperries. 

As soon as the smell hit her, Rey became ravenous. She took hurried mouthfuls of the spinach, cutting up the steak and chewing it as quickly as she could.

There was a fleeting thought that the food was very likely to be poisoned, but Rey was too hungry to care. If it was poisoned, too bad. She needed to eat, and badly.

It had been several months of starvation measures on the Resistance ship. They’d been able to keep up stores so that everyone ate, but there were no luxuries left. Often they’d have to make do with loafs of stale bread, dried fish or beef, gruel and tasteless space food. 

It was depressing, and in the past 24 hours Rey hadn’t eaten at all. 

She hadn’t tasted anything as good as this meal in so long. In a matter of minutes, the large spread was completely gone. 

Rey pushed her chair back when finished, almost ashamed of how fast she had eaten it. She had barely given a thought to the atrocities committed by the First Order before wolfing down her food.

Rey felt the sting of disappointment in herself, and she resolved to do better in the future. She would stop being impressed by the luxuries this place offered. And she would remember the corpses this place and its luxuries were built upon.

Yes, she would. Tomorrow.

For now, she was hit by an overwhelming wave of tiredness. Now that her stomach was full, she was no longer running on adrenaline, and she could feel every bit of the 30 hours she hadn’t slept. 

She walked to the bedroom, locking the door behind her. Then she crawled into the bed, lowering the lights with a knob next to the bed frame.

And in this comically enormous bed, the largest, by far, she’d ever slept in, she fell into an instant deep sleep.

Rey slept deeply, but she had distant feelings in her dreams of Kylo trying to get in through the Force walls. She was used to this, Kylo having tried to get into her dreams many times over the past several months.

But this time he felt closer, more potent. And she was so tired, so tired. A tiredness that was bone deep. She didn’t have the same energy to fight him off, to keep the wall strengthened and high. 

Still, even in her exhausted dreams, she fought him. She could feel his energy again, seeping past her walls like a creeping mist. And she tossed and turned in her bed, frantically shoring up the wall, placing bricks on top as he continuously knocked them down.

This continued for several hours before Kylo seemed to finally give up. And Rey was able to finally sleep freely.

When she woke, Rey look around, disoriented for several moments. For months, she’d slept in a bunk underneath Kaydel, her wall made of steel, a thin mattress and blanket her only comfort. Often she was woken in the middle of the night, to some new crisis that needed her attention. To wake up in the plush, silent comfort of her crimson room felt strange indeed, and for the first few seconds, Rey was awash in panic, wondering how she’d gotten there and what had been done to her.

Then the events of the previous two days came rushing back. Rey felt, at once, a sense of deep relief, that she hadn’t been kidnapped or something equally violent, and a sense of pure diappointment. She was in the First Order base, as a prisoner of Kylo Ren. Whether they’d given themselves up at the last minute was largely irrelevant to that fact.

Rey felt a lump rise in her throat at the thought. You lost.

She pushed it away and forced herself to get up. 

It was a habit for Rey, to begin work as soon as she got up. She’d done it since she was a little girl- there were no lazy days, no days off, on Jakku, nor on the Resistance ship.

Rey walked out to the living area, as if expecting some mission to await her, some kind of project or debriefing or training.

And it was… empty. And bone silent.

The clock read 10 and Rey assumed it was in the morning. She had no windows, no natural light, to check and see for herself. But she had to think she wouldn’t sleep past this- even sleeping till 10am was insanely late for her, other than those times when they’d been forced to stay up all night and go to bed at 6am due to an all-night mission on the Resistance ship.

Rey looked over to her table, to see a breakfast tray laden with food had been placed upon it. 

She felt immediately ravenous. 

The tray was made of metal, but there was a sleek, luxurious look to it. Not at all like the typical tin prison tray.

On the tray was a plate containing two fried eggs, what appeared to be some kind of ham, and a pile of spinach. On the side was a glass of some kind of fruit juice- it was a lovely purplish color, a shade that Rey had never seen before.

For a moment, Rey questioned whether this could be poisoned too. But… she hadn’t died after the night before, and Kylo Ren could have killed them all on the spot when they first arrived at the base.

So… if he did plan to kill them, there was no real point in trying to avoid it. 

She ate all of it quickly, and gulped down the juice. She wasn’t sure what fruit it was from, but it was delicious, with an almost sour tinge, but still sweet. It was all delicious. 

Then she got up to use the fresher. She washed her hands and splashed some water on her face. Then stood looking at herself in the mirror, wondering what to do next. 

She could… take a shower? Or a bath, in the luxury evil obscene indulgence bathtub? Or she could go out and try to read, she supposed.

She considered herself, her hair now dried, hanging down around her face. It had grown since she’d last cut it, back on Jakku. Now it went past her shoulders. It had seemed like pure vanity to pay attention to things like cutting hair, and besides, Poe said he liked it long, so she’d just kind of decided to keep it. It hadn’t seemed like a big decision, more like she didn’t have time to cut it. But now she could see it, could see herself, hanging long around her face.

She reached for the dirty hair ties that she’d tucked into her previous day’s clothing. 

She pulled her hair up, twisting it into her buns.

And then she stepped back, and looked at herself. She still didn’t quite look like Rey, not to her eyes. She didn’t look like the feral desert creature that she identified with. Instead, with her long white nightgown, she looked like some kind of strange luxury ghost, she thought to herself. Drifting around in this insanely luxurious bathroom, with a huge bath behind her that, when filled, would probably fill the amount of water she went through in Jakku in a year. Her face the cleanest it had been- maybe ever, save on Ahch-To when it had rained often and she’d been dunking herself in the ocean every day. And that was sea water. Now she smelt of perfumed soap and expensive moisturizer.

She supposed she also looked a bit like a mental patient. In this ridiculous gauzy dress- wasn’t this the kind of inoffensive robe they gave to people who were suffering from breakdowns? 

Rey made a face at herself in the mirror and Rey giggled at the thought that her being a mental patient seemed entirely appropriate. She was about to go crazy, if she didn’t find something to do.

Suddenly she heard a knocking coming from her front door, and she walked briskly to open. Once again, her heart was beating in her chest, dreading to see if it was Kylo. She couldn’t sense him with the Force… but still.

The door opened to a space of nothingness where Kylo’s head would have been. She felt relief rush through her, and looked down to see a small droid, who announced that she would be escorted to a meeting with other members of the Resistance in the next ten minutes.

Rey thanked the droid, and ran in a panic back inside. 

She grabbed the black robes from the closet, and ran to the bathroom to put them on. It was always a bit tricky, arranging her outfit into the shape she preferred. She liked a bit of tightness- easier to maneuver and run away in. She had learned in Jakku that too many excess capes and wisps of clothing made you much easier to grab onto and take hold of, horrible for a fight. 

Rey adjusted the clothing for several minutes until they were in the shape she was used to. Or a shape she was more used to- she should say. There were no pants included, but she had been given some ties to tie the long black robes closer around her waist, and some around her arms, as she liked to wear.

Rey wanted, above all, to look like herself. To look like the tough scavenger from Jakku that she was, not like a captured idiot who had been swanning around in expensive moisturizer in a private suite for the past several hours.

When the next knock came on the door, Rey was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a slow burn... just setting everything up again.. but I'm trying to update frequently so we can get to more Rey/Kylo interactions soon :) Hope you all like it


	5. Chapter 5

A group of 12 stormtroopers escorted Rey through the building, which Rey personally found to be major overkill. Not to mention, she could make quick work of all 12 of them if she really wanted to use her force powers to do so. Not that she would- but she could.

But the fact that Kylo hadn’t come to personally escort was a good thing.

But maybe it meant that he really did believe that she didn’t possess Force abilities. That she’d lost them in the months since she’d put up the wall. Maybe all her months of blocking him, not responding to him, had worked.

The stormtroopers led her through the hallways of the base, before finally taking her into a huge, cavernous room. The walls were all black, glinting like freshly polished marble, and stretching up 30 feet or so high. It was a huge room, like it could have been used for an auditorium or gym or some such purpose. Members of the Resistance were crowded into the center, surrounded by groups of stormtroopers, who were aiming their blasters at them.

It was a very unpleasant looking scene, and yet Rey felt thrilled. She was finally seeing her friends, after being separated from them for a full 24 hours.

They had agreed before they were captured, that they would do their best not to look especially close. That any particular friendships or relationships they had, they would hide, so that the Order couldn’t use it against them. That they were to act, essentially, indifferent to each other, so that it would be plausible that they’d all been so dissatisfied with the cause and with each other that they’d decided to call it all off.

But Rey couldn’t help meeting the eyes of Finn and Rose and Poe and casting them a quick smile, her eyes glinting with delight to be back around them. They gave her furtive half smiles back, before looking away deliberately. They all stared out at the black walls of the massive room, pretending to be focused there and non plussed to be reunited again.

They stood around for several minutes, the situation seeming almost absurd. Rey desperately wanted to turn around and ask Finn how he had been, how his living quarters were, whether they had used the giant bath or not.

But she couldn’t. Instead, she did her best to look bored and uncomfortable.

Finally, a group of stormtroopers marched into the room, surrounding Kylo Ren, who towered above all of them, as he always did. He seemed almost irritated by their presence, brushing past all of them, marching through the crowd of stormtroopers that surrounded the Resistance.

“Hello,” he said. His tone was, as always, brusque and somewhat awkward. Though he seemed to be addressing the group, he looked only at Rey, and Rey found herself staring at the opposite wall, pretending not to have heard him.

The other Resistance members picked up her slack, greeting him with a chorus of “hi’s.” Rey knew she should say something, greet him back, be friendly, as she promised herself she would. But something about him, about being near him, made her want to slap someone. Perhaps it was the fact that he had lied to her, deceived her, and seemed to be continuing to lie to her. Because he wanted something from her- her Force abilities, she was sure. And he was attempting to trick her again. And she wanted to scream at him that it would never work, that she knew who he was.

But she couldn’t do that. So instead her body waged a silent protest, crossing her arms and staring blankly at the opposing wall as if she’d not heard or noticed him.

Which was kind of a ridiculous prospect, considering he had marched into the room surrounded by stormtroopers, and then more stormtroopers had parted like the red sea to let him pass.

But still, she stared as if utterly engrossed in the wall opposite her.

Kylo cleared his throat and soldiered on. “Good morning, former members of the Resistance.”

There were a few murmured “Good mornings” before Kylo, oblivious as always, cut them off, plowing into his next statement.

“You have been brought here today to take promotional materials for the First Order, to prove your loyalty to us.” By the tone of his voice, commanding and almost confrontational, it was clear that he would hear no arguments. He made it very clear that he expected them all to participate, his eyes scanning the group as if searching out for dissenters.

“These materials will be sent out throughout the galaxy, along with our announcement that we’ve finally stamped out the last of the Resistance members.”

Rey’s heart sank at the news. She had been expecting this- what other incentive could the Order have to accept their surrender, after they’d been trying to bring down the Order for the past several years? To give them food and good shelter?

Suddenly the plush couch and king sized bed made perfect sense.

“You’ll be lined up to take individual portraits, as well as group photos. We may coordinate additional photos as we see fit.”

Rey could feel the tension in the room through the force, and she wondered if Kylo could feel it as well, or if only she could, since she was so close to all of them. She certainly couldn’t feel any emotions coming from the Stormtroopers.

They had all been expecting this, had discussed what it would do to their supporters to hear they had surrendered. But it had been their only option- or at least that’s what the rest of the group had thought, Rey thought bitterly. And now this really was their only option- they had to do what the First Order said, and they had to do it eagerly, in order to survive.

“The photographer will be arriving shortly. I expect you to present yourselves well, to look neat and orderly.”

Kylo’s eyes swept disapprovingly over the rag-tag group of Resistance members, all of whom had changed into the supplied black robes, and all of whom were clean, probably for the first time in months. Then he turned, gesturing to the photographer, who ran over to him, practically tripping in his haste to get to Kylo.

Rey rolled her eyes at the level of deference Kylo got from everyone. It practically made her blood boil, seeing such a horrible man get such a level of respect and obedience.

The photographer gestured to the photography station that his lackeys were putting up, and Kylo nodded and began walking in that direction.

Rey felt herself exhale, as soon as Kylo was no longer within 5 feet of her. Whenever he got close, she felt like ice had been injected into her lungs. It reminded her of when she had met Kylo, and they had battled in the snowy forest of Starkiller Base. She’d never felt the cold before, and she was still dressed in her robes from Jakku.

And the cold on her skin, once she won the battle and could really think about it, had felt like nothing else- so piercing and cruel.

Just like Kylo, she thought to herself.

Resistance members were starting to stir and glance around at each other, now that Kylo appeared to be distracted. A photographer had rushed into the room, ordering people around, and they were setting up lights and backgrounds around them.

Rey decided to steal a glance at Finn and Poe. Finn was looking at Rose, but Poe met her gaze. Her eyes widened conspiratorially, and Poe’s mouth set into a hard line. She knew he wasn’t happy about their circumstances, about having to do a photo shoot for the benefit of the Order.

It was completely silent communication, and yet Rey knew exactly what he was saying. She felt her mouth tilt into the slightest of smiles, and she felt gratefulness wash over her. No matter what, she still had her people. She still had Poe, still had Rose and Finn.

And that felt like everything, at this moment, when they were all so alone and forced to do the unspeakable.

Rey felt suddenly that same icy fear grip her, and she glanced immediately to Kylo. Sure enough, he was staring at her, his conversation with the photographer now over. He looked unhappy, his mouth settled into a kind of slight frown, his eyes appraising her.

Judging her harshly, as always, she was sure.

She breathed out through her nose and turned her head to the ground, staring at it impassively.

She would follow the rules they had made. No eye contact whatsoever, nothing to attract attention. No, she would look bored and nonplussed and uninterested. And she would be friendly when she had to be, to Kylo Ren.

But she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, to meet his eyes or smile at him the way she had to Poe. She knew she should, and she heard a voice inside her head telling her to do it… but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

So she stared at the opposite wall, blinking at it, eyes tracing over the boring blank blackness, as if there was something fascinating about the large black squares that made it up.

Finally Rey heard the photographer call that he was ready for them.

Members of the Resistance marched over to the little photography station that had been set up. There was a large grey cloth backdrop that had been slung up, with a First Order crest looming large in the center, and several large lights dotted around.

The photographer began ordering people where to stand. It seemed he had some kind of an idea of where they should all be stationed, for the best visual appeal. It didn’t escape Rey’s notice that the more unknown members of the Resistance seemed to all be placed in the back.

Rey could only surmise that she, Poe and Finn would definitely be towards the front. Again, it struck her- the strangeness of it all. How she had been a young nobody on Jakku and through a few twists of fate, wound up as one of the figureheads of the Resistance, the group she had once so looked up to.

And idealized, she thought, feeling a bitterness rise up in her for an instance.

And suddenly, the photographer said her name, breaking her from her thoughts.

Rey saw now that everyone else had their stations, and she was the last one, going right in the center front of the picture. In between, as she had expected, Poe and Finn.

They were the three “heroes” of the Resistance, ever since Han, Luke and Leia had died. They were the names kids whispered about and drew pictures of and told stories about.

She pushed the thoughts of those little kids, so young and brave, out of her head. No sense in torturing herself by thinking about what their reactions would be, seeing them all dressed in black and posing for First Order PR.

It’s all part of the mission, she thought to herself.

Rey stepped to the mark she’d been directed to, and stood. She spread her legs into a commanding, challenging stance. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She could at least demonstrate to them that she was still the brave fighter she’d been… maybe that would mean something, anything.

The photographer continued to direct them, telling people to angle their bodies differently, or move over a few inches in this direction, or position their body differently.

He had Rey cross her hands behind her back, which Rey was happy to do. It didn’t matter to her, how she looked. She’d never been vain, really, and to her these photos were a joke anyway. She hoped she’d never have to see them in her life. Hopefully they could break out in a matter of weeks and people would see these photos as the brilliant farce they were.

Finally the photographer was satisfied, and he began shooting. Bright flashes went off with every click, and Rey felt her eyes watering with the blinding light. It was disorienting, and she blinked to keep the tears that had sprung up from falling.

She tried to look past the photographer, hoping to move her eyes to a more comfortable place, not staring directly into the flashes. But her eyes landed on Kylo, who was watching her, his eyes rapt and dark.

Rey wasn’t sure what was worse- the blinding light or the darkness of Kylo. She looked back to the camera, pretending he wasn’t there.

She kept her stance open legged and strong, hands pressed together behind her back, chest thrust forward in a somewhat defiant pose. Her mouth was set in a hard line.

There weren’t all too many pictures of her floating around- after all, the Resistance didn’t have the time or the money to pose for photoshoots and propaganda like the First Order did. But she hoped that of the few photographs that were out, and the stories people had heard about her character, they would be able to tell that she did not support the Order. That she was being forced to pose for these photos, and she had no real liking or support for the Order.

Then again, she was trying to pretend to be converted. She had to make the Order believe her. So she posed for photo after photo, along with the rest of them, while the photographer floated around them, calling out ridiculous things like “Yes! Fabulous! Find the light, and flex those muscles! So tough!”

It would have been almost comical if they didn’t know that these pictures would indeed be disseminated throughout the galaxy, dashing people’s hopes of a rebellion. Rey’s only hope was that the distribution wouldn’t be that widespread- maybe they would just send it out to close allies and friends of the Order?

Finally, the flashes stopped, and the photographer seemed satisfied.

He put his camera down, and walked over to a little station that had been set up, with a screen and a computer. He was staring at the screen, hunched over it.

Rey knew she’d promised not to, but in this lull between action she couldn’t help but glance over to Poe, to see if he felt as unimpressed with this scenario as she did. Sure enough, he was already looking at her, his face bored and annoyed. His eyes widened conspiratorially at her, and Rey couldn’t help her mouth quirking up into a grin.

This situation was so ridiculous, and summed up so much of what they made fun of the Order for back on the Resistance ship. The absurd luxury of it, the fact that it was done for appearance sake only, the utter waste of time and resources, all for a petty show… it was so stupid.

She held back the laugh that threatened to bubble out of her mouth, biting her lip to contain it, and looking away from Poe and back down to the ground.

“Great, this is good,” he said. “I think we got what we wanted!”

“We’ll be getting some individual portraits next,” the photographer shouted. “You can all clear to the side..”

Rey began to move to her left, following the rest of them.

“Except Rey! Rey go to the middle.”

Rey looked up nervously. Her eyes met with Kylo’s, who’d already been watching her.

She bristled and turned her head away, hating every time that her eyes accidentally matched up with his. She marched to the very center of the floor.

Had Kylo been watching her the whole time? Had he seen her smile at Poe?

Rey didn’t want him to know anything about their group dynamics. She didn’t want him to know any friendships, any annoyances, any bonds of any nature. Kylo was just the kind of evil person to use it against them, to use it to worm his way into the Resistance to sow discontent.

And why did he always have to be looking at her? Rey felt like she could scarcely breathe or blink without Kylo’s eyes on her. It was oppressive and distracting. And it made her horrible self conscious, although why she even cared what he saw or thought, she didn’t know.

No, she had to care. Because she had to protect the group. And she had to be friendly with him and stop casting glances towards her real friends. Because they all had to do it.

And Rey reminded herself that his weird focus would probably shift to someone else in the group next, whoever his next victim would be, and then it wouldn’t feel so constant.

And… not to mention… why did she have to be the one to take the pictures?

Rey had been so distracted with Kylo that she barely realized that she was now supposed to take a bunch of photos. Was this some kind of photoshoot? Because she was no model- nor did she want to be one.

Rey faced the camera directly, and the photographer began weaving around her, ducking and standing tall, taking photos. The camera clicked away, the flash going off, and Rey did her best not to squeeze her eyes shut, which was her instinct.

The photographer sometimes told her to angle herself this way or that, or do to something with her body or turn her face a certain way. And Rey obliged.

Now that she’d been made aware of Kylo’s focus, it was the only thing she could think about. She cast one glance in his direction, to check if she was being paranoid, and sure enough, he was watching her, staring.

Rey looked away, feeling irritation flood her face. She wondered if it would show up in the pictures. Probably. But she couldn’t shake off her annoyance, no matter how she tried. It was humming in her head.

The audacity of Kylo Ren. After everything he’d done to her, he continued to want to torture her. This seemed to be his new tactic. Open staring.

Most people had the manners not to stare openly, she thought to herself. Even if they saw something noteworthy or morbidly interesting- like someone fall in a sidewalk, or walking around with their fly undone or something in their teeth- most normal, decent people did their best to not look. Maybe they would cast one surreptitious glance, maybe two, if they were especially curious. But mostly they looked away. Because it was the polite thing to do.

But Kylo Ren, she thought bitterly, was not polite. He was not polite, or decent, or good, or normal.

And so of course he had now chosen to openly stare at her. Probably some psychological torture tactic he was using.

Rey could feel the irritation, the fire, burning in her.

And apparently the photographer could to. “Yes, narrow your eyes- just like that! Wow! Like a tigress! Like a fierce tigress! I can feel the heat in you!”

Rey blinked and looked away from his camera, staring at the opposite wall. She didn’t know if these were the kind of pictures the First Order had wanted- her looking royally pissed off and angry.

But the photographer seemed to like them. “Smoldering!” He was practically screaming in delight.

And Kylo Ren was the one who caused them, she thought bitterly, so his Order would have to deal.

The photographer shot away, constantly shouting out how marvelous and “dangerous” she looked. If it were any other time she might have thought it comical, to have someone call her a “black-hearted temptress”. But she was truly so annoyed, and she could practically feel Kylo Ren’s gaze on her. And all she could think about was his audacity, and his rudeness, and how she just wanted to be back on the Resistance ship, away from his strange stares. He was a weirdo.

Finally, the photographer stopped, satisfied. Once again, he stepped back to his little station, and looked through the photographs he’d taken.

If he was delighted when he was taking the photos, it was nothing compared to now. He practically screamed with every new photo, saying how wonderful they were, saying that she looked “animalistic” and “raw”. Whatever that meant.

In the lull, even with Kylo’s eyes on her, Rey had an overwhelming urge to look over at the Resistance members. She knew how comical they must have found this scene, how hilarious it must have looked from the side.

She bristled at the fact that Kylo Ren’s attention was keeping her from looking at her friends. Perhaps that was the point- to be oppressive, to be an annoyance. To keep her locked into place.

That thought only made Rey want to look even more. And why should she act differently for Kylo Ren? Why should she be forced to tiptoe around him?

She glanced in his direction to check and- yes, of course. He was still watching her, his hands folded impassively behind his back.

White hot rage bubbled up in her. She glanced away immediately, and the urge to look at her friends became overwhelming. She wanted that reassurance from them, their smiles, their laughs. Their reminder that some things in the world were still sane and she wasn’t permanently moored in this First Order/Kylo Ren madness.

Besides, she could glance over at the group of a whole, she told herself. Not just at Poe, or Finn, or Rose- at everyone.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she looked over at them. Most of them were watching her, and Rey could see barely contained laughter behind their eyes.

As soon as she made eye contact with some of them, it was like the laughter bubbled up, and mouths were covered, eyes averted, so as to avoid bursting out-loud with laughter.

Rey couldn’t help herself. Her mouth broke into a smirk. Suddenly, the posing and the camera and the “fierce beauty” comments didn’t seem so bad, more ridiculous than anything else. Even Kylo seemed far away and forgotten, as she looked on the faces of her friends and grinned at them.

Her eyes swept around the group, searching for Poe’s. He raised his eyebrows appraisingly at her, sweeping his eyes over her body, as if teasing her for her modeling. She let out a silent laugh, letting it shake her body, before looking away.

She turned her body back so that it faced straight. But she couldn’t help the small smile that played at the corner of her lips. It was good to be reminded of them. To be reminded that there were people in this world who did understand her, who appreciated her, and were good. Who weren’t members of this horrible place, and this horrible world of all-black spotless rooms and expensive photoshoots.

The photographer seemed to have finished with his appraisal, and he stepped forward again. “Absolutely FABULOUS,” he said. His tone was very serious, as if he were giving an appraisal of war conditions on a neighboring planet. “We got exactly what we needed. Rey, you might have a future as a model!”

He let out a small laugh, and Rey blushed deeply and gave the photographer a polite, tight smile. Just what she didn’t want being said about her in front of her friends. She could only imagine the ribbing and jokes she would get over this incident once they were allowed to talk freely again.

“And now, we will have the Supreme Leader join you for some photos,” he said. Suddenly his jovial demeanor seemed to vanish, and he actually dipped into a low bow as Kylo stepped forward.

Rey’s first instinct was to run, or to argue. She glanced at Kylo, to see him beginning to walk towards her, his eyes fixed on her, as they had been this whole time.

She felt the rage rise back in her, the rage that had so recently vanished. That had been vanquished by the goodness and kindness of her friends.

And now, as Kylo stepped towards her, his gaze on her, almost looking tentative, and yet certain and demanding at the same time, she felt all the anger rushing back.

The urge to shout, to tell him off, was strong, but Rey forced it down. For her friends’ sake, she couldn’t do that. She had to be calm, had to go along with it.

And it was a simple request, she reasoned. Just another set of photos.

Still, she couldn’t help the anger that burned in her as Kylo walked towards her, then took his place at her side, turning so that he faced the same direction, lining himself up next to her.

They were separated by a few inches and Rey could feel him in the Force. Once again, as always reaching for her, trying to pry her out. Demanding, as he always was, she thought bitterly. Never just leaving her be.

Her own energy field was so filled with her own anger, burning so strong, that she couldn’t feel his. She could just sense her own rage, and then his burning pressure, knocking against the Force as he did so constantly.

She faced directly forward, towards the camera, as the dumb cameraman rose up from his bow and began to shoot.

Rey tried to block Kylo’s presence out entirely. Every aspect of her Force powers became devoted to pushing him, to shoring up that wall, to removing him from her Force area. And she could feel him trying just as hard to enter her space, heaving against her barriers, trying to get past them.

But as much as she tried to block him out in that way, and on a more conscious level, just pretend he wasn’t there, it was difficult Not only did he continue to press against her in the Force, but physically, he was impossible to ignore. He towered over her. If it weren’t for the bright lights pointed in their direction, he might have cast a shadow over her, that’s how tall he was. Not that Rey was short- she was around average height, maybe a tiny bit taller than average, even. But Kylo was just immense.

Like an ogre, she thought to herself.

Even with the lights keeping him from casting a shadow, she could see him out of her peripheral vision. He was just looming over her, his black robes fanning out around him and making him appear even larger.

The photographer circled around them, taking picture after picture from various angles. “Wonderful! You’re a team now! Look like a team!” he called.

Rey grimaced at this. There was no way she would ever willingly “look like a team” with a monster by the name of Kylo Ren. She stared at the camera, this time not even trying to hide her anger or discontent. In her individual shots, she had worried that she would look unhappy, that the Order wouldn’t be happy with the pictures and it would call into question their “surrender” and put the Resistance at risk.

But now, with Kylo breathing a few inches away from her, she was too blinded by her own rage to care. In fact, she wanted people to see. Wanted them to know that she wasn’t a team with him, and never would be. She needed them to know, for some reason. She couldn’t do anything else, like stand far away from him, or walk out and stop taking photos. But she could glower dangerously at the camera, which she did now, letting her annoyance show in the grim line of her mouth and her narrowed eyes.

“Yes, give me that emotion!” The photographer shouted. “You two are on the same side- you work together! You are a team!”

And with that, Rey suddenly felt a pressure on her left shoulder, next to Kylo. She turned her head in horror, to see what it was.

It was Kylo’s huge, massive, gloved hand, clasping her shoulder.

Rey’s mouth dropped open in outrage, and she looked up to Kylo. He was staring at the camera, almost deliberately ignoring her.

The first time he hasn’t stared me down since he got here, Rey thought bitterly.

His expression was wary, almost nervous, like he expected her to bite his hand off or something. Which Rey had a good inclination to do. His expression was dark, as he stared into the camera. She could see him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck, purposely ignoring her.

“I love that! Yes, Supreme Leader! Like a team!” the photographer shouted.

At the sound of his voice, Rey was shaken out of the urge to rip Kylo’s hand off, or to storm off, or to tell him to kindly get his fucking freakishly oversized paw off her shoulder!

She was at a photoshoot. A photoshoot in the heart of the First Order base, surrounded by stormtroopers. And it was being done for the good of the Resistance cause, even if it didn’t feel like it. She had to keep her cool.

It was just a hand. A hand on her shoulder. A hand to make them look like they were a “team” as the photographer kept stupidly demanding.

Because that’s what they were trying to look like. A united front, all on the same team- that team being the First Order. Because that’s what they had pretended to believe and feel, in order to survive.

Rey forced herself to breath and remain calm. She would be fine, she just had to stay calm. It was nothing, it meant nothing.

And yet, Kylo’s hand on her shoulder felt, somehow, like a brand. And also, strangely, way too intimate.

Perhaps it was the way the Force pulsed even stronger when he touched her, any part of her. And she could feel him now, really trying, pressing himself against the Force wall. And she had to use an equal effort to keep him out, out, out. But it was hard, with his hand lightly squeezing her shoulder.

Rey kept her expression grim. She was sure she would look more like a prisoner than a “team member”.

And that was as it should be, she reasoned. She didn’t want the little kids scattered across the galaxy, who clung to the idea of the Resistance, to truly believe she’d begun to work for them.

And it served Kylo right, after his weird behavior. He was deliberately psyching her out, staring at her just to mess with her. If the pictures were ruined and unusable- well, at this point Rey didn’t care. They should be happy that she’d even deigned to stand next to this monster, she thought bitterly.

The photographer weaved around them, shooting them from all different angles. Finally he seemed to get what he wanted, putting his camera down and going to check his monitor.

Rey immediately stepped back, causing Kylo’s hand to drop from her shoulder. She crossed her arms and stared impassively out in front of her, waiting for the next demand. Praying that she would be told she could go back to her room and there wouldn’t be any more photos.

She could feel Kylo standing next to her, his presence seeming to burn her both in this world and the Force.

Seconds seemed to feel like an eternity, slowing ticking by. She was acutely aware of the presence next to her, and she wondered if he was as aware of her. She doubted it. He seemed to enjoy nothing more than upsetting her, than annoying her.

Rey wasn’t sure if she could hear Kylo’s breathing- she thought she could, thought it might have just been the air conditioner in the room or some other background noise. She could feel the tension radiating from him, and it gave her a small twist of satisfaction that she could make him uncomfortable too.

“Do you like your room?” Kylo said finally, breaking the silence.

Rey paused for several seconds, wondering whether she should deign to answer him.

Be polite, be nice. The voice in her heard urged her to have some sanity despite the overwhelming urge to tell him to go Force himself.

“It’s fine,” she said. She kept her tone impassive, utterly devoid of anything resembling emotion or feeling. Her gaze stayed straight ahead. It was the verbal equivalent of utter unacknowledgement, essentially the same as ignoring someone even if you had technically answered their question.

There was a long, loaded pause. Rey almost felt a sense of fear- she could feel the tension coiling from Kylo, the irritation. She could feel it through the Force. She felt a flash of an urge from him- the sudden certainty that he was about to reach forward and grab her chin, tilt it so that she faced him, so that she finally acknowledged him.

But, despite this flash of foreboding, she forced herself to remain stick straight, not to acquiesce, not to turn to him, not to give him what he wanted, not to turn to meet his eyes.

Several seconds passed, Rey feeling her own fear climb slowly inside of her, waiting to see if he would indeed grab her. He was a violent psychopath, after all. Wondering if she would be able to fight him off using the Force. He certainly was too big for her to fight off physically- not without a lightsaber, at least.

“Was anything not to your liking?” he asked at last, breaking the silence. His tone was crisp, the slightest hint of annoyance betrayed by the way he bit his words off.

Rey felt a frisson of humor rise in her. Hmm, perhaps the oversized ogre stalking around me, deliberately glowering at me in an attempt to intimidate me and then placing his disgustingly large hand on my shoulder during a photoshoot of which I had no desire to take part in in the first place, was not to my liking, perhaps-

Her internal rant was cut off by the photographer shouting, “Wonderful! I think we have what we need. Onto the next part!”

Rey supposed it was a good thing that the overexcited photographer had interrupted them- the urge to say such wicked, truthful things had become nearly overwhelming. Kylo’s attempts to put her at unease were constant, from the stares to the hand to the questioning, and Rey had had just about enough. Her desire to protect the Resistance was starting to pale in comparison to her desire to kick Kylo in the ribs and perhaps hit him in the head with the nearest chair. She didn’t know if she would be able to hold back the urge to say something cutting in response to his questioning.

“So we’re going to have the other members of the Resistance- er, new First Order members,” the photographer cast a nervous look at Kylo as he spoke. “Line up in your earlier places. Leave a little room for Kylo, we need a good group shot.”

Rey waited, gritting her teeth as the other members of the Resistance lined up. She could feel Finn walking behind her, winding his way back to his spot on the other side of her.

And she knew Poe was on the other side of Kylo. Even Kylo’s placement, giving her a few extra feet between her and Poe, seemed like some kind of an insult or injury against her.

Rey kept her mouth set in a straight line. The pictures started again, and she once again looked challengingly into the camera. She wasn’t as annoyed as she had been, not now that she had her friends surrounding her. There was something about having them in close proximity that relaxed her, that made her feel more at ease. But she wouldn’t smile, wouldn’t grin happily into the camera as she was sure the First Order wanted. She didn’t look as angry as she had in her solo pictures with Kylo, but she didn’t look pleased either.

And then Kylo did it again- she felt his hand come down upon her shoulder. This time, Rey resisted the urge to turn and look- she wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

But she did stiffen her entire body. It was an involuntary reaction, one her body seemed to give of it’s own volition. Even though Kylo’s hand was gloved, she still felt a little shock run through her at the pressure on her shoulder. Every muscle tensed, and Rey didn’t fight that. She could have forced her shoulder back down, released the tension in her arms- but she didn’t. Kylo- and everyone else- should know that she didn’t want to feel his touch, that she didn’t like it.

So there they stood, with the photographer dancing around them, shouting praise and directions to the group. Kylo’s hand on her shoulder, with Rey braced uncomfortably next to them, mouth set in a straight line, waiting for it to be over.

“Kylo- get closer!” The photographer shouted. Rey tensed even further.

No, she thought. NO! She even tried to direct it through the Force, shouting it loudly, over her wall. She hoped he would hear it, and not realize that she was the one who had sent it, that she was, indeed, Force sensitive.

But she needn’t have worried about that. In the next moment, Kylo stepped closer to her, the edges of his robe brushing her.

He obviously hadn’t heard her- or he just didnt care.

His hand on her shoulder adjusted to this new angle, and now Rey could really hear his breaths, could sense his body moving slightly with each inhale-exhale.

The Force seemed to flow from him into her, as much as she tried to block it, and Rey could feel the little hairs on the back of her neck pricking up. A strange charge seemed to run through her body, and Rey braced herself against it, squaring her legs and gritting her teeth.

She gazed into the camera, as the photographer clicked away, picture after picture.

Finally, after several more clicks, he stopped.

The photographer ran to check the pictures in the monitor. Kylo’s hand remained placed on her shoulder, resting there, gripping the flesh there lightly. And Rey forced herself not to shrug him off, to allow him to perch it there. There was no point in moving it, if the photographer said he needed a few more shots or that they should resume. And she didn’t want to give Kylo the satisfaction of stepping away from him, of making it clear how uncomfortable he made her. No, she could beat him at his own game.

He studied the photos, and Rey watched him raptly, hoping against hope to get the all-clear.

Finally, after a minute or two, they got it.

“Fabulous! We have what we need!” he trilled.

Rey immediately stepped away from Kylo, stepping to her right, in Finn’s direction, forcing his hand to drop off. She kept her gaze straightforward, hoping she looked casual, and not like feeling his hand drop off was the same feeling she got when she’d unknowingly dropped into a former trash freighter while scavenging, and finally gotten to the communal showers and managed to scrub off the filth.

She exchanged a glance with Finn, who gave her a kind of nervous smile. She looked away quickly, hoping Kylo hadn’t caught it.

The photographer clapped his hands together. “Excellent! I think we have many of the shots we need, Supreme Leader. Now I think we just need a few shots of you with some of the other leaders. We’ll have you pose with Poe, and Finn, I think- should we do Rose? Is she known enough?”

Rey turned to look at Kylo. For the first time all day, she was glad to look at him. It was his turn in the spotlight, wasn’t it? Now she could stare at him, if she wanted to. See how he liked being glowered at.

He would be the focus of these photographs, not her. 

Her mouth quirked up at the thought.

But Kylo’s gaze at the photographer was impassive, as if he were looking at an unimportant insect that he was about to smash underfoot. There was no fear or apprehension there- just dismissiveness. “No, I have other things to attend to,” he said.

He gave a glance to Rey, sweeping down over her outfit, and then he turned, his cloak flowing out behind him as he strode decisively towards the stormtroopers.

In mere seconds, the stormtroopers had him surrounded and strode with him towards the doors, then out towards the hall. A mass of stormtroopers stayed in the room- the ones that had “escorted” Resistance members from their quarters in the first place.

And then Kylo was gone. And Rey could feel it in the Force- the palpable sense of relief as everyone realized that the great oppressor had left, and they could be free and easy again.

Rey let out a sigh herself, feeling most of her frustration melt away.

Finally.

The photographs resumed, with Rey, Finn, and Poe being forced to pose together, the logo of the First Order in the background.

Then the photographer wanted a few individual shots with various members, and Rey stood back and watched as they all were forced to pose.

It was a kind of vaguely amusing and yet sad exercise, watching her friends being forced to pose for an organization they hated. And Rey realized how sad she herself must have looked, posing in front of the First Order insignia.

It didn’t take long for the photographer to say he was finished. Maybe it was just in her head, from her own self consciousness, but it seemed to Rey that it had taken much longer to finish her photoshoot than it had to finish all the others. Much longer.

But she didn’t want to dwell on the unfairness or the humiliation of it all. The Order was getting what they wanted, proof of their loyalty and propaganda they could send out to the universe. Perhaps now they would be happy, and it would be a step for them towards being trusted and being able to execute their plan.

So in a weird way, making Kylo Ren happy, as he was the Order, was helping her friends.

Why did that thought disturb her so much?


	6. Chapter 6

When Rey finally arrived back at her room, she was relieved to have finished the photoshoot and be done with Kylo, hopefully for a long time.

While she’d been gone, a meal droid must have come by, because a lunch tray was sitting on her table. 

Rey sat down, ravenous again. It still seemed miraculous to her that food was just served on demand- good food, tasty food. Not just whatever scraps she or the Resistance could scrounge up. Gourmet meals, in fact.

This time it was a chicken breast covered in some kind of lemon cream sauce. On the side was broccollini and some kind of green vegetable that she’d never seen before- but it tasted quite good. They had little spears, kind of similar to asparagus but with clean pyramids at the top. She dipped all the vegetables in the lemon cream sauce, and ate her side salad too.

Dessert was a small dish of strawberries with lightly sweetened whipped cream- also delicious.

When lunch was done, Rey felt full and satisfied, and it was almost enough to wipe away her annoyance from the photoshoot. 

She could still feel Kylo Ren’s eyes on her, still feel his hand on her shoulder.

And Rey knew- it was just a shoulder. Plenty of people- colleagues of all sorts, placed their hands on a person’s shoulder. It should mean nothing.

But it still annoyed her. And she found it presumptuous and rude.

She closed her eyes and tried to push the frustration out of her head. 

It was done now- the photos were taken and over with. They just needed to move forward with their mission.

Unfortunately, as they had been surrounded by stormtroopers, the Resistance members hadn’t gotten the chance to actually speak to each other. Rey was waiting with baited breath for a moment when she would be alone with them, so they could finally speak, finally start talking about what they were going to do, hatch some plans. 

Until then, until the First Order trusted them enough to leave them alone together, she would just have to wait. 

She looked around the empty room, the emptiness of the afternoon seeming to stretch before her.

Rey glanced at the illuminated clock on the wall. It was nearly 3.

The day before, dinner had been served around 6. Which meant she had a full 3 hours to fill. 

It seemed like a very long time.

Rey began running through her training, practicing various Jedi moves that Luke had taught her. Once she completed those, she began basic work out techniques, stuff she had done in Jakku- push ups, squats, lifting a few of the heavy books as if they were hand weights.

It wasn’t the most interesting stuff, what with the dead silence of the room. But Rey wanted to stay strong, to stay on her toes, in case the Resistance needed to wage a sudden battle. 

She ran through several sets of all the exercises she could think of, finally running out of things to do.

She glanced up at the clock- 4pm. That left a full 2 hours before dinner. And she was still full anyway- she wasn’t sure if she’d want to eat straight away.

Rey paced around her apartment. She looked around for something- anything- to do, to occupy herself with.

She passed the bookcase several times, deliberately ignoring it. The last thing she wanted to do was read books, books picked out by the First Order.

She looked around the apartment, desperate to find something else. She searched through the cabinets in the bathroom, and under the bed. Nothing.

Finally, after 15 minutes of stubborn searching, she gave up.

Who knew how long she would be here? She’d have to read sooner or later. Either that or truly go crazy, and look like the mental patient she appeared when looking in the mirror in her white nightgown.

And after all, none of the books were actually written by Kylo Ren himself. The First Order could pick books out, but, she thought angrily, Kylo himself was too stupid to have written anything worthy of being bound into a book. 

She placed her hands on her hips and scanned the titles. Maybe there would be something about Jedi training. Something she could use to increase her force abilities and actually use it against the Order.

That would show them, trying to force her into reading.

But as her eyes trailed over the titles, Rey realized that there were no Force manuals. No Force manuals, no action books, no political history books- actually, the only books that seemed to have been included had schmaltzy titles like “A Love that Knew No Bounds” or “A Maiden’s Awakening” or “The Whisper of Desire.” 

When Rey would pluck these books from the shelves, they would all have embarrassing covers- usually paintings of muscular men clutching at smaller women, the scenes painted in pastel covers, both parties looking like they were in the throes of deep passion.

Rey had initially chuckled, at the first few covers she pulled out. The first one she’d grabbed was “The Comanche Warrior”, which she’d thought would be a guidebook for how to fight in the “Comanche” method, whatever that was, Rey hadn’t heard of it. But instead there was a bronze colored, shirtless man kissing a woman dressed in old fashioned clothing. Rey had let out a laugh at the sight- it seemed funny, almost ridiculous.

But after book after book had the same kind of images, the same kind of vibe, Rey stopped laughing.

This? This was what the First Order supplied her with?

Rey started to wonder if she was being made fun of, or some kind of prank played.

Why on earth would she want to read this? Why on earth would the First Order stock the shelves with these books? 

Rey initially placed all the books back on the shelves, and walked to the couch, sitting down upon it.

She wasn’t going to read that stuff- it was trashy. And it looked stupid, quite frankly.

She was a warrior, and she wasn’t interested in stories of busty maidens and muscular warriors and “hidden passion” or whatever these titles were about. It was almost an insult, that the Order would stock her shelves with these things.

Rey sat on the couch, tapping her toes, counting upwards. She tried a million different things to occupy her mind, crossing her eyes and uncrossing them, counting the seconds while she held her breath, playing mental tic-tac-toe with herself.

She finally glanced at the clock, and she saw that she still had 45 minutes before dinner.

Rey let out a sigh of frustration and heaved herself off the couch. Marching to the bookcase, she grabbed the first book her hand landed on, wrenching it from the shelf, and throwing herself back down on the couch.

Rey opened it, not looking at the title, and began to read.

Within a few moments, Rey found herself engrossed. The book was stupid, to be sure. It was about a spirited young duchess who is crossing the ocean on a grand ship when it gets captured by pirate ship. The pirate, of course, is insanely attractive, with a perfect face, and strong and capable, and nice to the duchess even though he’s a pirate.

And some words, Rey didn’t understand, and had to sound out or skip over. There was no dictionary- Rey had checked. So she couldn’t really check up on the meanings of the words she didn’t know. But she could piece things together well enough, and suddenly Rey realized that she was, in fact, not as bad of a reader as she’d thought, having taught herself on Jakku. She did stumble a few times, and sometimes had to slog through a particularly challenging sentence with several words she didn’t know, but it was manageable, and she was able to get it through it quite well.

And before Rey realized that time had passed, she heard the buzz from the door, the sound of the meal droid, and she felt silly, for a moment, worrying that someone would see her reading such a ridiculous book.

And then she realized that that thought, in itself, was silly, and it was just a meal droid, anyway. And besides, these were the books that the First Order had provided her, and it wasn’t her fault she was reading them. If anything, they should be embarrassed, since they’d forced her into reading them!

Rey threw the book down, deliberately turning it face down to hide the cover, which contained an image of a very tan looking, dark haired man leaning in for a kiss with a red haired, extremely busty woman, on some kind of tropical island. In yellow print it read “A Pirate’s Delight”.

Unfortunately, the back cover was a continuation of the front, showing the rest of the island in deep pastel tones. It was clearly not high literature. 

But at least it wasn’t a love scene. Rey dug it down into the farthest corner of the couch before running to the door to open it.

The food droid rolled inside, heading directly to her table where it deposited a tray laden with food.

It was a beef dish again, and Rey’s mouth watered at the smell of it. She hadn’t had fresh beef ever in her life- she’d subsisted on rations on Jakku and the hardscrabble food provided by the Resistance. And now she was having it two days in a row- she could barely believe it!

The beef was topped with a creamy yellow sauce, dotted with green herbs. On the side was a dish of spinach and another vegetable that Rey didn’t recognize- it was yellow and green, with yellow at the bottom, transitioning into green, in little stalks. It smelled good- kind of oniony. On the side was a salad made of kale, topped with a creamy dressing. And then a small serving of some kind of creamy cheesecake looking thing- just a sliver, topped with a pink colored sauce.

On the side was a glass of what appeared to be red wine. Rey had never had it before, and her eyebrows raised at the thought of drinking it.

Wine? For prisoners?

The First Order was very accommodating indeed. Rey entertained an initial thought that they might be trying to get her drunk, so she would be incapacitated and they could carry out some dastardly First Order plot. But then she realized that she was powerless already and they could do whatever they wanted to her regardless of whether she was drunk or not.

With that thought, Rey decided that she would, indeed, drink some at dinner.

The meal looked delicious, but Rey raced over to the couch to grab her book before eating. Although she knew the book was stupid and cheesy, she couldn’t help it- she was invested. And she really wanted to know what happened next, as the hero and heroine seemed to be currently arguing.

Rey opened the book, and read it as she ate. The steak was perfectly cooked, still pink in the center, with the decadent yellow sauce drizzled over top. She dipped the vegetables in the sauce too, and it paired well with everything.

After a couple bites of the food, Rey glanced at the wine. She’d never had wine before- on Jakku wine was exclusively the territory of the very rich merchants. Besides, in the desert heat, something like wine spoiled quickly.

Not to mention, as a single woman, she never wanted to lose her wits. She always had to be on edge.

But, even though she was in a First Order stronghold, and technically, more endangered than she’d ever been, Rey felt strangely… safe. No one had entered except the food droid, and Kylo Ren when he’d dropped her off. It felt… really like her own room.

And, she reasoned, she didn’t have anything else to do. Maybe it would pass the time.

She took a sip, bristling at the taste of the red wine. It was… kind of deep, and pungent, and it made her lips pucker. Rey put it back down, going back to her steak.

But she did, kind of, want to know what wine tasted like. They were drinking wine in the book, too- after the pirate offered the duchess his quarters, he supplied her with wine. And it made Rey want to know what it tasted like, what it felt like. Why so many people talked about it.

So she kept taking little sips, in between bites of steak. And eventually in between bites of the decadent, wonderful cheesecake with pink sauce. She particularly liked the combination of the sweet cheesecake with the wine.

And before she knew it, it was all gone, and Rey had a funny, warm feeling wash over her. She could feel her senses and consciousness dulling- but in a pleasant way. It was almost like things had become fuzzy. And suddenly, she felt less annoyed by her situation in the room, in her prison, or at the photoshoot that morning. Suddenly, everything seemed brighter, happy and nonthreatening.

She read her book, laughing at various parts. She was enjoying it more since she had her wine, everything seeming to open up so she was more in the book than she had been before.

And then she came across a scene where the main character went swimming off the island the hero had taken her too- and suddenly the thought came to her- she wanted to use the bath.

The day before, Rey had promised herself not to use that bath. That it was a simple of everything that was awful about the First Order- the entitlement, the decadence, the ruthless hierarchy. 

But now, with the wine softening everything in her, Rey found the idea unable to resist. Before she could force herself to change her mind, Rey ran to the bathroom, and turned on the tap, blasting it with hot water.

She didn’t look in the mirror as she walked back to get her book. She didn’t want to see herself, didn’t really want to admit that the bath was something she’d promised herself she’d never use, while staring at herself at that very spot in the mirror the day before.

So instead, she got her book, and locked the doors to both her bedroom and the bathroom, and read while she waited for the water to fill up.

Finally, after what felt like a long time, it was full.

Rey stripped herself off, and placed her book on a side table that was next to the tub, as if it had been arranged for this very purpose.

The first step into the hot bath ran shivers up Rey’s spine. It felt amazing, sinking down into the heat, feeling the water envelop her. Rey let out a contented sigh. She’d never really had a bath before, unless you counted floating in the water around Ahch-To, which- Rey realized, of course no one would ever count.

Water was so scarce and prized so highly on Jakku that only the most wealthy could ever think of having a bath- and even then, it would never have been in a tub this size, where she could stretch out her arms and legs and have them just touch the sides. It was amazing.

And to think, this is how the First Order treated their prisoners. They must have a lot of money, she thought, a sense of awe sinking into her, at how very large their operation truly was.

Then, Rey fished out her book. There was a rack of towels right next to the bath, and Rey dried her hands on these, before touching the book. She was very careful not to damage the book- she had no idea how much books cost, but it could be a lot, she wasn’t sure. And it was better to be safe.

Rey luxuriated in the bath, reading her book, being absorbed in the story of the pirate and the duchess and them getting to know each other. And before she knew it, her fingers had pruned up, and the water was no longer that hot, and she was getting very tired.

And so she scrubbed herself off, and washed her hair, and finally stepped out.

And when she went to glance at the clock in the silent and empty room- the meal droid having come to take her dinner tray- she saw that it was now ten thirty, and she must have been in the bath for quite a long time.

She changed into her nightgown and quickly headed to bed, turning off the lights and falling into a deep sleep almost instantly.   
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
it was hard to wake up in this room. There was no natural change in sunlight, no indication that morning had arrived. It stayed pitch black until Rey decided to turn the lights on. 

The Resistance ship, flying all over the universe, was similarly immune to the patterns of the sun, but she’d always been surrounded by others, and they would wake her up and generally keep a schedule. It was almost impossible to sleep late there, because there was so much noise and busyness, at all times.

Here, it was dead silence.

The upside to that was that Rey woke up deeply rested. She was sure she’d slept for a while, longer than she intended. 

She padded out to the living area, looking up towards the clock. It was eleven- thirty, and Rey surmised that she’d slept for almost a full 12 hours. 

She walked out to the kitchen, seeing that the tray was still there. She wasn’t sure it would be, as it was only thirty minutes before noon. She didn’t know what time breakfast was served, nor lunch, but it seemed odd that it would be served at the hours she was keeping.

But there it was. 

It appeared to be scrambled eggs, once again with a side of ham, and a large glass of some kind of pink juice.

Rey sipped at the juice, deciding she might wait to see what kind of food was brought for lunch. She was more of a “lunch and dinner eater” than a breakfast girl.

She took a few bites of the eggs and some of the ham- they were good, but cold.

And then Rey went to the fresher, to grab her book. It had been left there last night, in her haste to get to bed.

Rey immediately dove back in, immersing herself in the story of the pirate and the duchess.

It was good, although Rey wasn’t enjoying it as much as she had last night with her wine. Wine was a funny thing, she mused. It made her feel strange things- in a good way. She decided she liked it.

Although today, she wanted to get in her training, and hopefully, hopefully find a way to talk to the rebels.

But she had to be patient. She reminded herself of that.

She read her book, waiting to see if the meal droid would come again. Sure enough, exactly at noon, there was a buzz from the door, and Rey opened it to see the meal droid there. The meal droid brought her lunch into the room, removing the breakfast tray as it placed down the lunch tray.

And Rey felt glad that she had waited. It was a fish dish, with a white sauce spooned over top. And two unidentifiable vegetables, one green, and the other a deep purple color. For dessert, a small pudding dish.

Rey ate it all, and it was delicious, as always. She read her book as she ate, getting deeper into the story. Rey found herself, despite her good sense, rooting for the couple to get together. Even though the pirate acted like a fool at times, it was clear he loved the heroine. She just had a hard time understanding.

Rey finished her meal, and headed back to the couch to read.

Even though she loved the book, the day seemed to stretch out endlessly before her, and she wasn’t sure how to occupy herself, other than reading, and working out, which she supposed were her only options.

The buzzing in her head that had been there before, the constant attempts from Kylo to break in, seemed to have subdued. Rey had a hopeful thought that this was because he was starting to really believe that she had lost her Force abilities- the ploy was working.

Rey got down on the floor, deciding to start her workout routine. She already felt she had too much energy in her body, energy that wasn’t used to being pent up and feeling so rested.

She was halfway through her round of pushups when the door buzzed. 

Rey felt a moment of panic- was it Kylo? 

She stood up, and walked cautiously to the door, sensing out with the Force to see if she could get any hint of his energy. Nothing, but still..

She opened the door and was relieved to see a group of stormtroopers standing in the hallway. She never thought she’d feel relief as seeing stormtroopers, but there she was.

“Come with us,” they said.

Rey felt fear race up her spine. Where was she going? And why? 

She had thoughts of having to meet with Kylo- or worse, Snoke. Rey knew she was dead, but still. The memory of Kylo’s betrayal burned in her mind- another time she’d been escorted by Stormtroopers, and she’d gone willingly, like a fool. Rey could remember the immense trust she’d put in Kylo, how she’d been sure that he was about to turn.

And he’d just used her, a pawn to gain the power that he wanted. 

The anger burned in Rey, and she pushed it away. She knew that extreme emotions seemed to be felt through the Force. She’d often been on the receiving end of Kylo’s fits of rage, desperation, and loneliness, no matter how much she tried to block him out by the Force. The Force seemed to project these feelings between Force-connected individuals, like an alarm ringing out across phone lines. 

She wasn’t about to do anything to get Kylo’s attention. 

So she forced herself to calm.

And then she stepped forward, following the Stormtroopers down the hallway.

The fitting went well. Rey had been poked and prodded by an older woman dressed all in black, who seemed to have no ideas about personal boundaries or privacy. She had instructed Rey to undress in a private dressing room, then barged in, surprising Rey when she was wearing only her undergarments.

She’d insisted on measuring her, despite Rey’s initial protests. She’d wrapped measuring tape around Rey’s bust, hips, waist, bottom, and along every length of her body.

Then she’d brought bolts of black fabric into the room, holding it at various angles and murmering things to herself. Rey tried to direct her, “I want something comfortable, that I can move in” but the lady made no acknowledgement of it. 

It was a frustrating experience, and Rey left confused as to why it had even taken place. Why was the Order custom making clothes for her? 

It seemed she had no say in what kind of clothes she got to wear. She could only hope that what she ended up getting was comfortable and roomy, similar to the loose pants and tunic she’d worn on Jakku.

But Rey was realizing more and more that she seemed not to have a say in these things.

When Rey came back to her room, she felt frustrated. She had time to kill before dinner, so she ended up working out, going through all of her exercises three times, until she’d finally burned off the excess energy and annoyance she was carrying.

Then she read the book, feeling distracted and half interested.

When dinner came, she eagerly drank from the wine and cut into the fish. She’d been halfway through eating her salad when she’d felt it- a giant reach from the Force- a clawing towards her. A kind of desperate grab.

Rey managed to project her Force wall just in time, arching it up so that Kylo was not able to make any inroads into her mind.

She felt what followed, a kind of wave of emotion, of despair mixed with anger. And Rey shuddered.

Her appetite was suddenly gone, lost completely.

It had been terrifying, feeling these waves of emotion from him when she’d been aboard the Resistance ship. But now, trapped in First Order quarters, where he could barge in at any time, it felt very different.

Rey picked up her wine, downing the rest of it in several gulps. And then she rushed to her bedroom, shutting and locking the door. She crawled under the covers, taking her book with her. She tried in vain to focus on it for several minutes, before giving it up and throwing it to the side. And then she covered her head with her blanket, and stared into the blackness, focusing on blocking Kylo’s residual pain out of her head, wishing she could be somewhere, anywhere, else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would sooooooo appreciate if y'all could leave reviews, whether good or bad, about how you're liking the story so far. Every little bit of feedback really helps. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! It's been a while since I updated but I received some really wonderful messages from people regarding this fic so I wanted to keep it going. I started this fic and planned it out before TROS and when that came out it just felt like it kind of ruined the vibe I had going for this, unfortunately, so I was super uninspired. But I am going to try to get it back to where I had envisioned it, now that some distance has passed. It was kind of hard to pick this up after so much time had passed, but I hope you'll enjoy it, and that where we're headed is going to be interesting. If you're enjoying it, please do let me know, since that will motivate me to try to soldier through and update more often. And if you like my writing/vibe but would like a fic that gets updated more frequently, please check out my other one, The Tutor. Thanks and hope you guys enjoy!

Rey’s days passed slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. 

She’d wake up, have breakfast, and have absolutely nothing to do- no one to talk to, no work to carry out, no mission. The day yawned in front of her like a blank expanse, each day, each hour, having to fill it.

So Rey had developed a little routine to keep from going nuts. She’d eat breakfast, then workout. She had an elaborate fitness routine, using mostly her body weight and occasionally stacking some books up for added resistance. Then she’d break for lunch, then she’d repeat the workout cycle again. Then she’d pick up one of the books and read, until dinner arrived. She’d read while she ate, and then keep reading afterward, when she’d float around in her bath, slowly sipping her one glass of wine.

And then she’d go to sleep. And wake up the next morning to do it all again.

Any dread she’d felt about Kylo giving her trouble- perhaps torturing her, or interrogating her, or sending her to some kind of work gulag, was quickly dispelled by the sheer nothingness of her day. Her whole life, she’d been busy, busy, busy. On Jakku, she had to be constantly working to survive. On the Resistance ship, there were always missions to carry out, to plan. She’d not actually been able to sleep much in the past year, because she was constantly being awoken in the middle of the night to solve some crisis or another.

Rey felt her mouth twist up in a bitter smile at the memory of how she’d wished for a quiet room to herself, away from the constant din of the Resistance ship. She’d dreamed of a soft bed and peace and quiet- and she’d gotten it, she thought ruefully.

She found herself almost craving that Kylo would come in- just to have something to do. That he would come in and try to order her around, so she’d be justified in fighting back, showing him exactly how strong she’d gotten in the force. Defeating him and freeing her friends.

But, of course, that couldn’t happen. She might be able to defeat Kylo- she hoped she could- but she’d never be able to defeat thousands of armed stormtroopers at once, nor get to the Resistance in their locked cells before they were spirited away on First Order ships.

She had to be calm, she reminded herself. And that was what was getting her through this time. This was another mission, like any other. Even though it was extremely boring, and nowhere near as exciting as sabotaging a First Order ship or stealing supplies from a hostile planet. But it was a mission nonetheless, and she would succeed at it.

So she stuck to her workout routine, and she read the books, even though they were nothing Rey would have ever picked out. She almost felt insulted that she’d had the room stocked with them- did the First Order think she would have liked them? Was this their idea of what women read? Maybe all the women’s quarters were stocked with them and the men’s quarters were stocked with… spaceship manual magazines? It seemed so strange, so stereotypical.

But, she couldn’t deny that she was enjoying them, as embarrassing as it was. She’d never really though much about love. On Jakku, love was a luxury hardly anyone could afford. It was a hard life, where you had to focus the entirety of your efforts on survival. There was no extra room for dreaming about a guy. Not that Jakku had any guys to offer. They were all older than Rey, by a few years, and as far as she was concerned, gross. There was no one her age, like Kylo. And being with someone was a huge risk to a woman, as it could mean pregnancy, which on Jakku could be a matter of life and death. 

And so it had been no trouble to avoid love entirely, not to think about it, and, when she did, look down upon it, revile it, because it presented a great risk to your survival. Rey could remember one woman, Marta, who worked in the “comfort tent”, which was where men went to… you know. And they’d pay the women for it. It was mostly for passing traders, although the local men used it too.

And while Rey mostly stayed far away from the comfort tent, in fear that she could end up in the same situation, she had struck up a friendship with Marta while they were waiting in line for Unkar one day. They’d started chatting, and it had turned into a friendship, and they would sometimes scavenge together, although not often, because Marta was new at it and extremely slow, and Rey couldn’t afford to waste her time.

But Marta had told her all about how she’d ended up on Jakku. She’d come from a nicer, greener planet, but she’d fallen in love with a pilot, and he’d invited her to go with him, to travel the universe. She’d said no at first, but then she’d agreed, thinking it would be a great adventure, not realizing how good she’d had it on her green, safe home planet.

And then the man had made a bad deal- he’d made a trade on another planet for a huge amount of Tukzo stones, and he’d told Marta that they’d hit the jackpot. They were rich now. Tukzo stones were native to the planet they were on, so it was logical to believe that they were real. But, of course, they weren’t, a fact they realized when they’d brought the stones to Unkar Platt to trade, and he’d deftly scrubbed off the green paint. 

Marta and her trader had stayed marooned in Jakku for several days, before he’d told her he had one last trade to make, and brought her back to Unkar. She didn’t know who Unkar was then, not by name, just that he was the large, mean man who’d revealed that they’d been swindled. This time, her trader had offered her to Unkar, and Unkar had accepted, giving him many rations in exchange for her, enough to get him fuel to get off the planet and with plenty left over.

Marta had screamed and kicked and tried to fight when she’d realized what was going on, but Unkar got his minions to hold her down, and they’d brought her to the comfort tent. And after several days of withholding food from her, with barely enough water to survive, she’d finally agreed to work in the tent.

And that was that. She’d been there for years now, and she said it got easier. But Rey could see the sadness, the pain in her eyes. Perhaps the worst part was knowing how she’d been betrayed, and how she’d believed every sweet word that her trader had told her. 

It was a tragedy, and one that Rey swore would never happen to her. She wasn’t naiive or sheltered like Marta was. Hadn’t grown up in the sheltered protection of a family, believing people meant it when they treated you with kindness.

No, Rey was much savvier, much sharper. And she’d sworn to herself that it would never happen to her. 

And this knowledge, this awareness of the great betrayal that had ruined Marta’s life, had made love the last thing Rey ever wanted to experience. 

It was something she still knew she had to be wary of, knew she had to watch out for.

But in the books, love was something different. Something all consuming, something spiritual. And when Rey would sit in her bath, sipping from her wine, smelling the scent of the expensive soap that hung in the air, it seemed like maybe life really could be that easy, that beautiful, that wonderful.

Even though she’d only been there- what, a week? Jakku, and the dingy metal of the Resistance ship, seemed far away. It was almost like her entire world had been reduced to that little apartment, or whatever you’d call it. The living room, bedroom, and bathroom. The tan walls, the quiet luxury. It was hard to remember shivering on her metal cot while Poe shouted something in a different room, loud enough for the whole ship to hear, with one lumpy, thin pillow and a moth-eaten blanket. 

Rey could feel her skin softening, now that she applied various lotions to it at night. She’d given up all pretense of not using the stuff in the bathroom cabinets, trying different scents every night. It was thrilling, and fun, and Rey was surprised by how much she enjoyed it- lathering herself up, feeling the silkiness of her limbs. She’d noticed that her skin on her hands was becoming much softer, now that she wasn’t doing regular manual labor, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She knew it was a small thing, but she wondered if it would affect her badly in battle.

But for the most part, she was trying to take what she could from the place, enjoy it. That was the best strategy, anyway- to make the First Order think she’d truly converted, she thought.

She began planning what she would say to Kylo when he showed up. She had a list of things she wanted, first of which was to be reunited with the rest of the Resistance, which she knew was a tough one. What captor in their right mind would grant it? That was the primary thing she wanted, and everything else was a distance second. 

It was just a matter of how to approach it. And now that Rey was in the First Order base, keeping Kylo out of her mind was monumentally harder. He’d seemed relaxed the past few days, more relaxed than he’d been in the past year. But he was also closer, and Rey could feel him pressing against her barriers, barriers she hoped would still hold, despite the increased proximity. She couldn’t let Kylo in, couldn’t let him know that she still had Force powers. 

She was hoping that Kylo couldn’t feel her in the Force- that her walls wouldn’t allow it. Leia had said all he would be able to feel would be her wall, he wouldn’t actually be able to feel her emotions, the same way she felt his. But she wasn’t sure if she was doing it right. And both she and Leia had thought Kylo would try a few times and give up. She hadn’t even told Leia that it was still going, after a year, him still pounding on her Force barrier. She didn’t know what Leia would say… and there was nothing anyone else could do about it, anyway. Leia would just give her that overly concerned look that she gave Rey whenever the subject of Kylo came up- a kind of sad, worried expression. Leia was still the only one who knew that Rey had gone willingly to see Kylo, though of course other people whispered about it and there were rumors. But Leia knew, and Rey couldn’t help but feel judgement from her. As if the whole situation with Kylo, the way he hunted down their ship so cruelly, was her own fault.

So now she was here, and trying to do her best to keep those walls up, despite the fact that she could feel Kylo now, almost all the time. His emotions seemed to travel so strongly, and his energy seemed to pervade past the wall, almost like a mist or fog that could slip around it. She could still feel him angrily pounding against it occasionally, but he seemed calmer, and Rey wondered if that was because he could feel her more strongly now too. If he could, that meant that he was aware that she had force powers, which was bad. 

So she’d practiced her look in the mirror a million times, if he asked her about it. “You’ve been trying to contact me in the force?” Exaggerated scrunched up look of confusion. “Hmm, I haven’t felt it at all!”

This was the primary concern that Rey was turning over in her mind, how exactly she would deal with Kylo when he eventually came by- and she knew he would.

So, when there was a knock on the door one morning, just a couple minutes after she’d started her exercises, and a food droid didn’t immediately come bustling in, Rey figured it must be him. 

She braced herself, mentally strengthening her force wall. And then she headed over, wrenching the door open.

And there he was.

It was strange, the wave of emotions that hit her when she saw him. At once, she felt the sizzle of the force recognizing it’s own energy, and a kind of sadness, for the loneliness she always saw in Kylo, and then sheer, overwhelming anger, for what he’d done to her, and her friends, and the galaxy, and also, on a more personal level, how he’d humiliated her, how he’d tricked her.

He was a monster. Just like he’d told her. And she should have listened.

She was surprised by how strong her emotions still were. Maybe because she’d mostly avoided looking directly at him thus far since she’d arrived at the base. But suddenly, all her intentions to be sweet, to negotiate smartly, went out the window, replaced by sheer anger, the desire to use to force to throw herself upwards, kicking him in the rips, stealing his lightsaber and holding it to his throat, forcing him to lead her to her friends.

But that would never work, of course.

Rey, focus. Focus on what you need to do.

She forced herself to offer a tight smile, though she was certain it didn’t reach her eyes. Even for someone who didn’t know her like Kylo did, her gaze would surely read as “unfriendly”, at the least.

“Yes?” she asked. Her voice came out tight and high pitched. Kind of like a schoolteacher dealing with an exceptionally annoying student.

Kylo’s eyes widened as he took her in, and Rey wondered if he could feel her own anger, like a blast, the way she felt his emotions through the force. She did her best to reel it in, to steel herself off from him, stuffing her emotions back down, strengthening her wall.

“I-” It was kind of funny, seeing Kylo Ren, maybe the most feared man in the universe, searching for the right words. Or it would have been funny, if he didn’t hold her and her friends’ lives in his hands. “I was wanting to see how you were.” 

He kind of gulped, his eyes wide and almost fearful, looking almost like a scared wild animal.

Another act, Rey thought bitterly. This seemed to be the tactic he always took with her. With others, he had no problem hunting them down, massacring entire villages, she reminded herself. With her, he took the strategy of acting sad, vulnerable, even scared. It was laughable, she thought. He was surrounded by armed stormtroopers and towered over everyone in the room, herself included. 

It only served to make her even angrier, and she bit her lip to keep herself from blurting out something rude. 

She paused, gathering herself. “Fine, thank you.”

They stood in silence, staring at each other. Kylo was looking at her apprehensively, almost plaintively, and Rey was staring back, chin jutted out defiantly, her eyes blazing into his. She was determined not to be the first one to look away, no matter how much she wanted to end the conversation and shut the door in his face.

In the stillness of the room, Rey felt palpably aware of the group of stormtroopers, blasters loaded, standing in a circle around Kylo. Rey’s eyes darted to take them in, a feeling of awkwardness settling over the hallway. 

Kylo’s eyes followed hers, turning his head to see where she’d been looking. He cleared his throat. “I was hoping to speak to you… in private.”

Rey raised her eyebrows. Surely he didn’t think she was going to invite him into her room?

“Oh?” she asked, putting on her best ‘clueless’ expression. “And where might that be?”

Kylo looked down at the ground, exhaling a shaky breath. “I- can I come into your room?”

His eyes darted back to hers, needy and almost desperate. Once again, Rey had to pin back a burst of anger- she would never cease to be amazed by the audacity of Kylo acting so weak and scared when she was the one locked up in a prison cell.

More theatrics, she thought, probably for the benefit of his stormtroopers, so he could justify locking her up because she was a “dangerous criminal”.

She decided, as much as she needed to get on his good side, to have a little fun with it.

She pursed her lips and twisted them to the side, tilting her head, like she was deeply considering it. She rapped her fingernails on the doorpost, and each one let out a soft little “clang” when they hit the metal. 

After several seconds, at which point Kylo was starting to look extremely frustrated, she let out a sigh. “I suppose,” she said.

Kylo nodded. “Thank you.”

He made a move to step towards the door, and Rey considered taking several steps into the room- preferably as far as she could go. Preferably heading into her bedroom and locking the door behind her. Or perhaps just digging a tunnel out of here and not stopping till she’d somehow made it onto another planet.

But obviously, that wasn’t an option. And she wanted to be close to the door, so she could run out of it in case Kylo tried anything crazy, like hitting her over the head or something. Although, she supposed, it wouldn’t do much good, running into the circle of stormtroopers outside. Technically, if Kylo wanted to do something to her, anything at all, he could, and there’d be nothing she could do to stop him.

Still, she felt better being by the door, having some kind of escape route, so she stood there, and shrunk herself as far back into the wall as she could go, opening the door so Kylo could pass by her.

Kylo strode in, his footfalls huge and somehow demanding, even though he was only, technically, walking. But even that seemed intimidating, and Rey could see then, in that moment, how he was the man that the entire universe was afraid of, who had massacred villages and the like.

She stared hard at his form as he stomped in and then turned to face her, his cape billowing behind him, thick muscle visible in the lines of his black outfit, trying to imprint this image in her mind. This man, this monster, was the one she was dealing with. Not the one that pounded against her Force Walls, acting sad and anguished and desperate. No, this man- this creature- was the culprit, and she had to remember it. Anything else was an act.

She kept the door held open, until Kylo nodded at it. “Can you close the door?” he asked. His voice was gruff and low, like he didn’t want anyone else hearing. 

Rey let out an exaggerated sigh, as if releasing the door was a huge inconvenience. And, truthfully, it was. As much as she mocked Kylo in her mind, told herself to forget about him, he was still an extremely intimidating figure. And she didn’t really want to be alone in a room with him. And even though, again, the stormtroopers were no help, she still felt like she’d have a better chance dealing with the eight of them than with Kylo. 

But there was no point in arguing about it, so Rey let the door close, and heard it slam shut with an alarming finality.

Then she stared at Kylo, hoping she didn’t look intimidated. She stuck her chin up and out, like she wasn’t afraid of him in the least. She crossed her arms and gave him her most imperious expression, waiting for him to speak.

Kylo, for his part, looked nervous, playing with the hilt of his lightsaber, twisting at it anxiously.

“I- I wanted to ask you if you like your room,” he said. 

“My prison cell?” Rey shot back.

Kylo’s mouth opened slightly, as if he were shocked. Rey, herself, felt a little shocked- the plan had been to be docile and polite, but whenever she was around Kylo, her mouth seemed to take control of her mind, shooting out horrible things before she could reel herself back in.

“I- it’s much nicer than the prison cells here,” he said. “The prison cells are dark and damp, with iron bars and- I made sure all the Resistance members would be treated comfortably.”

His eyes flickered up to hers, and Rey saw sparks of hope in them. It was almost like he was wanting her approval.

Her approval that he’d shackled her friends and forced them into confinement, even if it meant having pillows and beds instead of the usual brutality the Order dished out?

Never.

She looked at the wall, giving her best expression of boredom, as if his words meant nothing to her. 

“Is- is there anything else I can do to make your stay more accommodating?” Kylo asked.

At this, Rey’s eyes brightened. This was what she wanted. This was what she needed. 

This was when she had to be nice, although she should have been nce all along, and she’d forgotten it. But now she would be sweet, and docile, and appreciative.

“Yes, the apartment is really good,” she said. She gave Kylo a smile, glancing up to meet his eyes. His gaze was rapt on her, his mouth quirking up in response to her offered smile, and he looked proud, almost triumphant. He took a step towards Rey, and she had a moment of wondering why on earth he was stepping closer, before the next words left her mouth. “But, I don’t have that much to do and I- well, I was hoping I could see some of the members of the Resistance.”

At this, Kylo’s happy expression turned to stone.

“Not everyone,” her words came out in a rush. “But maybe just certain people- like, I dont know- Finn, Poe, Rose...” Kylo was still staring at her, his face looking like it had been carved out of granite, frosty and immovable. “I don’t believe in the cause anymore but there are just certain ones I was close to that I wouldn’t mind seeing...”

“You want to spend time with the traitors?” Kylo’s voice was low and quiet, softer than it had been before, and yet infinitely more dangerous.

“I- not to plan anything,” Rey was scrambling to say the right thing, to bring him back to how he had been before. All sweet and relaxed. “Just to- have something to do.”

“If you want to have something to do, I can train you,” Kylo said. He took another step closer to her, and Rey, despite her desire to seem sweet and friendly, took a step back, in the opposite direction. It was like her body moved of its own volition, responding to this clear threat ahead of it. “I can be your teacher.”

Rey blanched. How to get out of this? How to get what she needed from Kylo? Because she couldn’t go another week without having something to do. 

“I train best with my friends,” she said. “It helps me, to be around them.”

Kylo was staring at her, like he was studying her. His eyes moved over her face, like he was trying to get the truth from her words. Rey could feel a large prod from the force, like Kylo was trying to reach into her brain and dig around. But it wasn’t angry or overwhelming like it was when Kylo would try to break down the wall at night- this was casual. It felt almost unconscious, on Ben’s part, and Rey wondered how often he used his force abilities to just nonchalantly invade someone else’s mind. Probably frequently, she thought. He was so immoral.

For several seconds they stood there, with Kylo looking stony faced, like he was considering her words, and Rey trying her best to look sweet and unassuming.

“The rest of the Resistance members are beginning their re-education lessons in a few days,” he said at last. “You can join them, if you want to. But you must take private lessons, with me, about the Force.”

Rey nodded. She felt like screaming with joy, but she managed to keep her expression resigned to a very full smile. “Thank you,” she said. 

Kylo nodded, watching her warily.

“I have another meeting to attend to, but… I’ll be back, and we’ll have our lessons.” Now it was his turn to smile, and he looked somewhat relaxed, for the first time since she’d brought up the Resistance. 

“Of course,” Rey said. She opened the door, and Kylo strode out of it. Once again, his steps were large and intimidating.

Suddenly, she remembered- bath supplies!

“Oh and I forgot! Is there any way I could get more soap and stuff- for the bath?”

Kylo turned back around towards her, his eyes fixed on hers, wide, and lazer focused. 

“I’ve been taking baths lately, and...” Her words trailed off, and Rey could feel her blood suffusing her cheeks, giving her a warm blush. Baths weren’t something she really wanted to speak about in front of 8 stormtroopers, nor in front of Kylo, for that matter, but something had to be done.

“Certainly,” Kylo said. His voice was low, and steady- like the dangerously soft tone he’d had earlier, though he didn’t seem angry this time.

“Okay, well- thanks,” she said. She offered him another tight smile, and then shut the door, leaving him still standing there. She hoped it wasn’t rude, at least not rude enough to ruin their deal. 

But, even if it was, it served him right. What she really wanted to do was force blast him into the opposite wall, so a closed door was the least of his worries. 

And then Rey covered her mouth with her hand, and ran into her bedroom, and jumped up and down in joyful circles. They were going to be reunited!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I posted this on my other story that i updated recently, but unfortunately there's so much real life craziness going on in my life right now, and because of that I've been unable to update much lately, which sucks because I actually feel really inspired, but the reality of what's going on for me right now has to take precedence. With that being said, I'm really hoping everything resolves soon (next week- 2 weeks) and that I can be back on a normal posting schedule! Thanks to all those who have said they're enjoying it! Your reviews mean so much to me :)

Knowing that she was going to be seeing everyone in a few days gave Rey a new sense of purpose. She was still bored, cycling through her routine, with no one to talk to and only her books to read. But that was going to change, soon, and that was the hope that Rey held on to. Reminded herself of whenever she felt like she was about to lose it and blast through the walls with the force, launching herself into combat because she couldn’t stand another moment of silence and solitude.

Or when she would feel Kylo through the force- reaching for her, just as sad and desperate as before. And her rage and irritation would flare up- that she was now powerless, and he had all the control, and there was nothing she could do about it.

For now, she reminded herself.

That was what would be so great about meeting with everyone again. They might be able to come up with a plan, to finally overthrow the Order. This was an opportunity, she reminded herself. An opportunity to destroy this evil place from the inside out. No longer having to try to attack the hard, impenetrable shell of the Order ships from the outside. They had a greater chance than they ever had before, to fially put an end to this cursed regime.

It was just hard to remember that, as she looked down another day of blank nothingness- nothing on her schedule, nothing to do, no one to talk to.

So she worked out, and read, and ate her meals, and soaked in her bath. 

A couple hours after her conversation with Kylo, he’d had a truly mind boggling collection of bath accoutrements delivered. She had never, in her wildest dreams, imagined that there could be so many items dedicated to bathing. There were exfoliating gloves and brushes, bubble bath liquid, a million lotions and creams, perfumes, sweet smelling oils, salts, and a cylindrical shaped thing that you dropped in the bath and which spread out in vivid colors and smells. She had to learn everything through trial and error, since the droids had filed in to drop the items off and store them in the cupboards, and none of them would speak to her. And she wasn’t about to go outside and try to ask one of the stormtroopers.

But she’d figured it out, and now she loved laying in her bath, covered in bubbles, her skin lathered with oil and smooth from exfoliation. She wasn’t sure she would ever have chosen to spend so much time cleaning herself if she didn’t have endless hours to herself, but she found herself enjoying it. The droids had also dropped off candles and incense, which Rey dotted around the room. She would turn off the lights, and let the candlelight dance on the walls, the smell of incense filling the air. It was so ridiculously luxurious, that Rey almost felt like a different person. She wondered what the townspeople of Jakku would think, to see Rey, the penniless scavenger, in such expensive and decadent surroundings. And then she pushed the thought away, because she wasn’t proud to be here, wasn’t happy, and becoming distracted by what the Jakku people thought would take her off the mission.

She wouldn’t be swayed by petty luxurious. She would remember who he was, what he had done. What they, the Order, had done. The millions they had killed.

And so she would enjoy their blood money- for now. While plotting their downfall. And wasn’t there something deliciously ironic about that, Rey thought to herself, tracing an infinity symbol into the bubbles.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
One day, when dropping off Rey’s breakfast, there had been a note attached to the top of the tray. 

It said:

Rey,

School will start tomorrow at 9am. We will program your alarm to go off at 8am, ad breakfast to be delivered shortly after. You may be a bit drowsy adapting the schedule change so we will include an energy drink with your meal, which you can optionally drink. 

Please make sure that you are adhering to the behavioral standards of the Order. 

Rey was in the middle of reading one day when she heard a knock on the door. Kylo, she thought. It must be- it had been several days since their last meetng, and she hadn’t hear anything else about the schooling. She’d almost begun to wonder if it would happen or not- maybe Kylo had been deceiving her, enjoying watching her eyes light up with delight when he knew he was lying to her. Or maybe he’d thought it through and realized what a horrible, dangerous idea it was, to let the group of them reunite. 

But then again, he’d delivered the bath supplies. And so much more than what she’d asked for or imagined. She didn’t even know where he’d gotten some of these things- she’d never heard of some of the items, like the cylindrical ball that expanded in the water. 

So in that sense, he’d been a man of his word, and Rey was inclined to trust him. She’d considered dipping into the force to verify, but she’d forced herself to wait. How silly it would be, to give herself up now, over such a small issue.

But now here he was, Rey was sure of it. She found herself smoothing over her outfit, which had become rumpled from laying on the couch. And then she found herself wondering why she was even bothering with any wrinkles- this was Kylo, and after all, she was wearing the Order robes she had been given- pitch black, just like he wore, just like everyone wore in this horrible place.

Rey could feel her defiance sparking up at the memory of that. Why couldn’t he have let her keep her white robes? They were perfectly fine, they just needed to be washed. Or, since her robes had been fitted and custom made, just had them done in white instead of black, as she would have clearly wanted?

Rey stuffed the feeling of defiance down, willing herself to be sweet and kind. Now was not the time to get angry, not about such a small thing, not when she was so close to getting what she wanted. 

She threw her shoulders back, reminding herself to look docile, nice… kind. Not like Kylo stirred up a strand of annoyance in her that she could never seem to hold back, that seemed to perennially emerge and strengthen, no matter how she tried to stuff it down.

She pasted a smile on her face, and pulled the door open. She couldn’t help that, with the tension in the back of her mind, she yanked it harder than she intended, and it ended up swinging open with a speed that was almost menacing.

Rey caught the door in her hand and smiled up at Kylo. She knew that, as much as she tried to seem sweet, there was still an edge in her eyes, and she knew Kylo would be able to see it, because he seemed to see everything about her, as much as she tried to hide it. 

But she did her best to stuff it back, o keep her expression blank and open. “Kylo,” she said. She lilted her voice, upwards, as if it was a pleasant surprise. Which it was, she reminded herself, because it was hopefully news about her schooling. 

“Rey,” Kylo said, nodding down at her. He looked nervous, as he had the past few times. Rey had a flashback to his face when they’d had their first force bond, when he’d looked like he might jump out of his own skin, and a pang hit her heart. But she blocked it, instantly, with the force, willing back any emotion that would leak out. Feeling the emotion between her and Kylo only strengthened their force connection, which was the last thing she wanted and was potentially dangerous, given that so far he seemed to be believing that she’d lost her force powers, and that had worked well with their plan.

He swallowed, glancing down at the floor before looking up again, his eyes wide as he stared into hers. “I’ve come to tell you that your classes start tomorrow.” 

Rey couldn’t help the thrill of glee that ran up her body. She wanted to scream, to jump up and down with joy. But she forced her face to remain impassive, as if he’d told her that her next food droid delivery would be a little late, or that the cleaning droid would be arriving soon to scrub the bathtub.

“Okay” she said. She focused on moderating the Force, and keeping her walls up high. She knew quite well how you could use the Force to feel the emotions of those around you, so she tamped down her excitement as best she could, and hoped her wall would have kept Kylo from feeling any of it.

Kylo stared down at her. “And then you’ll begin classes with me in a few days. I have some things to wrap up, but they’re preparing our room.”

Rey nodded. The thought of being alone with Kylo made her nervous. She wondered if there would be stormtroopers. That would at least be something. She wasn’t sure if she could keep her Force walls up for so long, at such close proximity. Especially if the point was Force training- there was only so much stonewalling she could do before Kylo figured it out, she was sure of it.

But again, she kept her face placid and blank. 

“I- do you have any questions for me?” Kylo asked. His eyes bore into hers, searching, probing, and Rey could feel him gently press against the Force, almost like he was asking permission, or testing it. 

Rey immediately strengthened the Force wall, straightening her back and looking sharply at Kylo. “No, nothing.” She wanted the interaction to end, whenever Kylo touched the Wall, it put out alarm bells in her head. He was strong, and capable of serious destruction of her Wall even from a distance, that night when he’d been throwing himself against it over and over, from galaxies away. It had almost broken that night, and Leia had had to instruct her on how to rebuild it. Rey couldn’t imagine what would happen if it he did that again, but in the same room.

“Alright. Class tomorrow is at 10am, and we’ll program your clock to go off at 9am, so you’ll have time to...” He paused. “Get dressed, and have breakfast. And then I’ll escort you to your class.”

He stared at Rey, watching her face, like he was waiting for her to argue or push back.

But Rey would have agreed to anything, anything at all, to see Finn, Rose, and Poe. 

She nodded. “Okay.”

Silence hung in the air, and though Rey would normally have felt the need to fill things in, to make some casual comment to ease the tension, she forced herself to remain quiet. She wanted to get back inside, to get away from Kylo, before he could use any more of his Force abilities. She knew Kylo wasn’t particularly attuned to social niceties, but hopefully he would be feeling awkward as well.

And it seemed to work, because Kylo stared down at the floor, then cleared this throat, as if gathering his thoughts, and looked back up at her. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he said.

“Yes, see you then,” Rey responded. She offered him a tight smile, and then shut the door. Kylo was still standing there, watching her, as she closed it, and Rey wondered if it was rude. It probably was- shutting the door in someone’s face. She wondered what the stormtroopers thought and had to stifle a laugh at the thought. And then she rebuked herself- she had to remember why she was here, and she could’t get caught up in her personal feelings and annoyance towards Kylo. There could no disrespect, or signs of rebellion. Not until they actually had him where they wanted him- hopefully at the other side of Poe’s blaster gun, admitting defeat and disbanding the Order.

Rey kept that thought in her mind, and she walked into the bathroom, shutting all the doors behind her. She started the water and placed the oils and bubble water in the bath. Only when she’d sunk down inside of it, surrounded by bubbles, did she allow herself to feel it. The joy and glee of knowing she was about to be reunited with everyone.

.  
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~  
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.

The next day, Rey found herself awake well before the clock on her wall went off. She was already in the shower, scrubbing herself clean, before she heard the bells going off from her bedroom.

She raced through breakfast, as if she could speed time up by shoveling down her eggs. And then she had nothing left to do. She considered going through her exercises, but she didn’t want to sweat. So she ended up pacing her room, and finally trying to read a romance novel, although she could barely focus and having to read the same page over and over.

Finally she heard the knock on her door and bounded up to head over. The thought occurred to her, just as she was about to open it, that Kylo would be on the other side, as he was her escort.

But even that couldn’t dim her enthusiasm, although she reminded herself that she needed to have strong force walls even now, and she mentally reinforced them.

She opened the door and couldn’t help the wide smile that seemed to have stamped itself permanently on her face. “Kylo,” she said. Her voice was high, happy- even she could hear it.

Kylo was wearing his mask again, and it was a bit strange to see him this way again. She found herself wondering how his face would look- she was used to being able to read his expressions, at once so clear and so opague, his face smooth and unmoving and yet his features twitching when she’d do anything that got to him. 

It was kind of fun, sometimes, watching him squirm.

But if the way his mask remained fixed in place for several seconds, unmoving, was any indication, he was staring at her again, even if she couldn’t see his eyes. It made Rey feel like he was looking at her through a one way mirror, and she didn’t have the benefit of seeing back. That gave her, as his enemy combatant, a distinct disadvantage, and made her all the more self conscious. She reminded herself that she shouldn’t grin so widely, or let her excitement gleam in her eyes, and tried to bite it back, as much as she could. 

But still… Rey could hardly hold back the urge… the need… to be in class, right then, to see Rose and Finn and Poe and know they were alright. And she didn’t want to wait a second longer.

“Shall we?” she asked, nodding her head towards one end of the hallway, even though she had no clue what route they would be taking. She just didn’t want to stand here any longer, playing Kylo’s staring games, when the other Resistance members might already have arrived, and she could be losing time on chatting with them.

“Of course,” Kylo looked startled, his eyes wide with surprise, but he immediately stepped back leaving space for her to pass through to walk beside him.

Rey had wondered, the day before, if she’d have to trudge behind Kylo, the picture of servitude and prisonerhood, while his stormtroopers followed behind them, blasters trained on her back.

So it was nice to know, she guessed, that she would be walking alongside him, as an equal of sorts, and she was happy to fall into place next to him. 

The corridor was silent as they walked down it, Kylo leading them through various hallways that Rey tried to make mental note of, though she was too excited to make a proper mental map. Hopefully they would do this many times, and she could keep track of which rooms they passed and the different twists and turns.

Again, she wondered if she should make some kind of conversation, which she usually would, just to fill in the empty space, but Kylo never seemed to mind it, and she didn’t know what she would say anyway. But she was in such a good mood that, for once, it didn’t bother her, the silence, broken only by the light padding of their feet on the ground. Rey could hear the stormtroopers following behind them as well, their armor making the tiniest thuds with each step.

Rey could feel her excitement growing larger as they got closer, and she had to force herself not to reach out with the force. Even though she was deliberately tuned out of the force, she could still feel a muted form of it. She could sense her friends close by, feel their energy, which was happy and content, and she half wanted to run and close the gap between them already, using the force to find the right room, so she could pull them all into a hug and they could all laugh about how crazy it was that they’d ended up here. And that their plan was working!

But of course she couldn’t do that, because it would spoil everything. And she forced herself to stay as calm as she could, and not let her emotions run out of control. She wasn’t sure she was fully accomplishing it, but she tried.

Soon Kylo came to a stop, the stormtroopers instantly halting behind him.

He stood in front of a closed door, and then turned to look at Rey, studying her appraisingly, almost as if he was debating something.

Rey knew that, behind this teal, metal door, were Poe, Finn, and Rose, and probably more members of the Resistance, though she couldn’t be sure which. She wanted desperately to open it, and it felt almost like a cruel test or taunt, to be standing there, knowing they were behind it, yet unable to go through.

But this was not the time for impatience. Rey forced herself to meet Kylo’s gaze, trying to look impassive and calm. She arranged her features into a smooth mask, and looked up unassumingly at Kylo, like she was no more interested in what lay behind the door than she was about the pipe layout of the Force Order base, or what Kylo had had for breakfast, or what material the stormtroopers’ armor was made of.

Come to think of it, all that information would be useful and possible helpful to know. But all Rey could think about, at the moment, was getting through that door, seeing Rose’s smiling face, and Finn’s laugh, and Poe’s grin.

But she forced herself to look calm, focusing on her force walls, staring up at Kylo as if she were waiting for a doctor’s appointment, or to have another clothing fitting, or any other boring occasion.

Kylo’s eyes swept over her face, and whatever he saw seemed to be enough, because eventually he swallowed, and then reached forward, placing his hand on some kind of electronic scanner, until it beeped, and then the door was sliding open.

Rey could see rows of desks, with little heads sitting up and staring straight ahead. They were looking at the front of the room, towards a peach-colored alien that kind of looked like a thumb with limbs, and many excess folds of skin, kind of like a calendar of pug dogs that Rey had found while scavenging once. She guessed that this individual had to be the teacher, as all eyes were directed towards them, and they were standing in front of a massive screen which was showing a diagram of the galaxy. 

She had a second to take in this scene before all the heads in the room turned towards them- the door must have made noise when it slid open. And then Rey could see their faces, and her eyes immediately searched for and found Finn, Rose, and Poe. They were dotted around the room, and all their faces immediately broke into huge grins at the sight of her.

Rey couldn’t help it- even though she’d told herself, a million times, to remain impassive and unemotional- a blank canvas, with no emotion given away- she smiled broadly at all of them. Her mouth seemed to move of it’s own volition, from the sheer delight of seeing their faces again. She did force herself not to grin maniacally, or to scream and run over and hug each of them, although that was what she wanted to do, and she knew they wanted to do the same.

But as restrained as she was being, she knew the beaming smile that was currently lighting up her face was more than she wanted to show, although she couldn’t help herself. Her eyes darted back between the three of them, and swept over more in the room. Kaydel was there, and Chewie, and all the other smiling faces that she recognized from the resistance ship. And Rey smiled back, excitement gleaming from her eyes, feeling, for the first time since she’d arrived in this cold and sterile place, alive again.

She heard Kylo clear his throat, and then he was speaking, the sound shaking her out of her reverie. “You’ll be joined with Rey for some of your classes,” he said. His voice came out in the intimidating, rumbly growl that his mask made. “And then, some of the the time she’ll be studying… with me.”

There was something almost forboding about the way Kylo said it, and Rey felt her smile falter for a moment. She turned to look at Kylo, but he wasn’t looking at her, for once. His mask was directed towards the other students, sweeping subtly over the room. 

For the first time in a while, Rey saw him the way the others in the class would. Standing there, towering over them, in his black mask, he looked every bit the dark monster. Intimidating, cold, horrible.

And that’s what he is, she reminded herself. Her mind had been distorted by that bizarre week on Ahch-To, when the force had thrown them together, and Rey had been too inexperienced and naive to keep them out.

It was hard to believe it had only been a week- Rey had felt so close to him by the end of it. But a week was all it was- a week of lies and deception, and the time when Rey’s naivety and the isolation she’d grown up in had truly come home to roost. Stronger men- nicer men- wouldn’t have taken advantage of it, twisting her into a web of lies, all for the purpose of luring her into her own demise and their ascent. But Kylo wasn’t a nice man, and he’d made her feel sorry for him, pretended to be something he wasn’t, used every trick in the book to convince her to join him, to help him get the position he was in now. And she’d fallen for it- hook, line, and sinker.

And even though she could feel the bitterness of it now, even though she was well aware of his deception, she supposed that week still colored her idea of him, so that when she thought of him she thought of him when he was maskless. Often when she saw his face in her mind it was lit by soft firelight, as it had been that last night on Ahch-To- when his strong features had been relaxed into something soft, pliant, gentle.

Another deception. The mask was better. Oddly enough, the mask actually showed his true self, Rey thought, not the lie he’d created for her benefit.

And it was this version of him that she wanted to commit to memory, and she tried to do so now, staring at him and trying to freeze his appearance into her thoughts. Seeing him the way the others in the room would see him, black cloak covering his massive frame, staring around at all of them menacingly, like some creature from a comic book. 

And then he turned to look at her, and Rey averted her gaze instantly, trying to push back the spark of anger he always, unrelentingly, provoked in her.

She’d been in such a good mood, and then the memory of Kylo had ruined it, and the thought of that made her even madder. She tried to push herself back into that place, the feeling of sheer joy that she’d had since last week, that Kylo had destroyed with his mere presence. It enraged her, the way he ruined everything, or tried to.

And so she searched the room desperately, trying to get back into that feeling. And her eyes landed on Finn, and he grinned at her in that mischievous way he had, brilliant bright teeth lighting up against his dark skin. And she couldn’t help the smile that lifted her own mouth, now Rey allowing herself, forcing herself, to feel it. So she grinned brightly at him, and she felt the spark of joy coming back, when she allowed herself to blot out Kylo and focus on her friends, and feel, just slightly, through the force, Finn’s energy, so happy and upbeat, always, even when she was being a raincloud.

And then Kylo was clearing his throat again, Rey’s smile faltering as the sound reminded her of him, taking her out of her connection with Finn. He was still here, and she was in his base, under him, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise. 

“And, if there’s any misbehavior, all lessons will cease immediately,” he said. Rey bristled further at his words, her smile now completely vanished, though she stared forward, looking blankly at the space Finn occupied, barely seeing anything. She was consumed with everything Kylo was saying, her eyebrows furrowing into a slight scowl.

“And Rey will have training with me, shortly.”

With that, Kylo seemed to have finished, and Rey remained staring forward, as Kylo turned, and then walked out of the room.

She heard the room shutting behind him, and it was almost like a spell was broken. She no longer felt the pain of Kylo’s dark energy. Instead, she was suddenly reminded that here she was, in school with her best friends. She was reunited with them- with Finn, with Poe, with Rose. And her mouth broke into a grin again, larger than it had been before, now that Kylo was no longer there to witness it.

“Your assigned seat, Miss,” the teacher said, pointing firmly at an empty desk at the front of the room, on the far left side. 

Rey dutifully walked to it, keeping her head down, and avoiding looking at her friends again. They had to pretend to all be somewhat immune to each other, unfazed, not like this was the thing they had planned and hoped for and desperately wanted above all other things. Even the fact that they were all sitting here, being educated in an extremely nice, if austere, classroom, instead of being force tortured in the Order dungeons, was a feat in and of itself.

She sat down and picked up the holoscreen pad that had been placed on her desk, as well as the accompanying pen which she could use to write on it. The teacher began speaking again, talking about the size of the galaxy, and all the different planets and communities on it, and how it was their job to learn about the colonies and territory of the Order.

As much as she knew she had to focus, to prove that putting her into school had been a good idea, all she could focus on was the faint light from the force, telling her that Poe and Finn and Rose were sitting behind her. The dim feeling of their excitement- a fraction of what it would have been had she not had her force wall up- but still miles better than anything she’d felt in the past couple weeks. It felt almost like soaking into a warm bath, feeling the familiar energy of the Resistance around her, the contented, bubbling verve that she always felt when they were reunited. 

The woman was outlining the range of the First Order’s colonies, and the massive scope of their power. And instead of feeling enraged, as she should, Rey couldn’t help the smile that kept playing at the corners of her lips. Finally, she was home.


End file.
